User:EpicNinjaMonkey/UnNews:America's New Official Sport: Planking

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

28 January 2012
Washington D.C., U.S.A -- After several months of arguing and debate, Congress has finally made "planking" the official sport of the U.S.A instead of football and baseball. They say that planking requires both "mental and physical endurance." The also say that it is a sport that anyone can play. Their argument: Only the fat and bulky can play football and only those with really strong upper body and stamina and the Japanese can play baseball. Posting pictures of yourself planking in a strange location on the Internet somehow improves "social interaction." An official planking rule and guidebook has recently been released into the market. It covers the various forms of planking, including teapotting, owling, horsemaning, batmanning, Tebowing, grongking, and plumbking. Congress has also said that planking makes you lose stomach fat (in other words, by staying on your stomach all the time, the fat will all go into your ass and back). There is talk that a group of rednecks are starting a National Planking League(NPL). They claim that the NPL is like the NFL but with planking (it was tempting to yell "No Shit Sherlock!" at them, but they all had guns and all we had was a used crayon). ESPN has announced that if this is true, they will cover the NPL on their channel.