User:ENeGMA/Politics, as Interpreted by Children

Politics, as Interpreted by Children is a children's series broadcast on PBS, designed to put complicated political events into a form children, foreigners, foreign children, and even average Americans, can understand. The show is noted for its use of simple words, rampant stereotyping, and some would say biased reporting. It is popular among small children and their parents, who were so embarrassed to admit that they watched the show that they had to have kids to provide them with a viable excuse.

The Format

A group of children, each representing a seperate political-ethnic faction, enacts, in a theatrical manner, the recent political news (I apoligize for using such a complex sentence. We're currently working on a children's edition of this article.)

The show takes place in a Day Care center where adult supervision is conspiciously absent. This is seen as a thematic device representing the inefficiency of modern government in the face of social struggles.

The current cast includes:

• Rex - Sex: Male | Age: 7 | Race: White | Class: Upper Middle Class | Religion: Protestant

The great-great-grandson of a plantation owner, Rex enjoys subjugating minorities and voting Republican, or at least ordering his butler to do it for him, since he's too young to vote. Rex considers himself superiour to the other children, but is continually brought down to their level by his habit of wetting himself during naptime.

• Lucy - Sex: Feminist | Age: 9 | Race: White | Class: Non-Working | Religion: 'Spiritual'

The daughter of a radical feminist hippy, Lucy is angry about growing up in a patriarchal society. She takes out her aggression on Rex by taking the football out from under him as he goes to kick a field goal. This is a recurring joke in the show, and provides slapstick comic relief to keep the slower witted viewers entertained. There is said to be a romantic relationship between Lucy and Rex, but Lucy vehemently denies this saying "Boys are icky."

• Juan - Sex: Male | Age: 8 | Race: Beigeish | Class: Cheap-Working | Religion: Catholic-Stereotypicalist

One of 14 children of Pedro and Eva Sanchez, Juan enjoys swimming, picking up bottles, and painting fences. Juan is viewed distrustfully by most of the other children. Rex employs him as a gardner, even though he is barely capable of doing the work, and instead takes to eating dirt and chasing Rex's cat around the house.

• David - Sex: Male | Age: 11 | Race: NASCAR | Class: Pick-up Truck | Religion: Republican

David loves America but hates all things foreign, because his dad tells them foreign people "don't even know how to use a potty." He is a strong supporter of jingoism, but doesn't even know what the word means; he thinks it's a board game. His father is a gun barrel cleaner, so David is taken to playing with firearms in his spare time. David is a poor student of the pre-school classes. Instead of reading the books about dinosaurs, he hits the other children over the head with his Children's Illustrated Bible. His favorite story is the one where the mean lions go "RAWR!" and eat the Jews.

• Jamal - Sex: Male | Age: 7 | Race: Darkish | Class: Gangster | Religion: Rastafarian(?)

Jamal, the son of Lucretia Williams and an unknown father, is disliked by the other children due to his habit of taking their toys, calling them names, and challenging them to rap battles. Even though Rex is afraid of Jamal, he secretly wants to be like him, and listens to his type of music.

• Mohammad - Sex: Male | Age: 8 | Race: Less darkish | Class: Scary | Religion: Terrorist.

Mohammad is another kid that scares the others. He isn't a big fan of socializing or playing with the children, and prefers instead to sit in the corner and read his Children's Illustrated Quran. Momammad's older brother is a Jihadi, and he wants to be just like him when he grows up.

• Mathangi - Sex: Female | Age: 9 | Race: more darkish than Mohommad but less darkish than Jamal | Class: Job Taking | Religion: Elephantism.

Mathangi is popular with the other kids, but also intimidates them with her intellect, spelling prowess, and programming talent. As she is a sore loser, she threatens to take away other kid's jobs when she loses at dodgeball.

• Tyler - Sex: Homo | Age: Wouldn't you like to know! | Race: Fabulous! | Class: Pottery Classes | Religion: Hairdressing

Tyler enjoys drinkings mojitos, going out with 'the girls' and pestering the rest of the gang about letting him get married to Ken dolls. Most of the other children say they 'like him, but not that way.'

• James - Sex: Male | Age: 7 | Race: Godly White | Class: Blue Collar | Religion: Fundamentalism

James is quicky to assert his mascuilinity by disparaging Tyler's lifestyle. He's quick to blame others for their sins, but never applies those standards to his own life. For example, when Mathangi took all the blocks to build a server for new web design firm, James was quicky to point out how unfair this was, but when he took all the Spot and Curious George books to stage a mock book burning, he acted offended when the other kids wanted to read them.

Episodes

There are a number of famous episodes that have entered the national character and become cultural land-marks. The episode where Tyler comes out of the closet (wearing leather pants and Lucy's corset.), and the episode where David used a racial epithat against Jamal, are seen as definite cultural milestones for our nation. How sad.

Some other famous episodes are

Episode 8: Immigration

In this episode, David is angry at Juan because he stole his Fisher Price hammer to build Rex's treehouse at a ridiculously low rate of 2 Power Rangers action figures. And not even two of the cool new ones.

David views this an unfair labor practice, saying that it's "no fair" that Juan can accept such low wages, "just because his parents have like a million kids."

David then tries to play at the mock Grocery Store, but Mohammad already has a job there, ostensibly, in David's estimation "blowing up the frozen food section." Mohammad takes offense to David's insult and they proceed to get into a sissy slap-fight.

While their attention is turned, fighting with each other, Rex takes control of the Grocery Store Playset and hikes up prices.

Episode 17: Gay Marriage

In this episode, Tyler tells Lucy that we wants to be 'special friends' with the Ken doll. She replies that she thinks that's OK, and also that Barbie is a tool of patriarchial oppression. Tyler agrees with her and points out that "her blouse totally clashes with those pants." When James hears about Tyler's plan, he tells him that he's going to hell. This causes Tyler to cry. Momammad agrees with James, as does Rex, but the girls all side with Tyler. They decide to settle their differences with a game of dodgeball.

The girls win the game handily after James calls Lucy a dyke, which causes her to become angry, and kick the boys' asses. The boys then accuse the girls of 'stepping over the line' and 'breaking long established rules' and of simultaneously harboring a victim/oppressor persona to get Title IX legislation passed.

At the end of the episode, Tyler gets his wish fulfilled, but James and Mohammad picket the ceremony. Tyler then tells them their haircuts "look like they were done with safety scissors" and procedes to live happily ever after with Ken until naptime, during which the kids forget their differences.

Episode 19: The War in Iraq

This episode begins with Rex accusing Mohammad of hiding all the blocks in the sandbox. Mohammad denies this charge vehemently, calling Rex an 'infidel' and thowing a toy plane at him. This angers Rex greatly so he quickly gets the support of David, James, Jamal, and Juan, but is opposed by Tyler, Lucy, and Mathangi. Rex easily goads Jamal and Juan into travelling accross the Jungle Gym and kicking Mohammad out of the sandbox, to search for the lost blocks. They find nothing, prompting Mohammad to triumphantly laugh at them. The children then become stuck in sand and Lucy declares the situation a 'quagmire'.