User:Darkfred/Darth Hitler
Darth Hitler, comes from a spooky bizarro dimension where he is exactly like our dimension's Hitler except for one disturbing difference. He is Evil!
Not to be confused with `the original Hitler` who killed Jews, `Jesus Hitler` who is God incarnate come to redeem us of our sins or `The Good Hitler` who is exactly like Darth Hitler, only good!.
Origins[edit | edit source]
Like our Hitler, Darth Hitler was also born on the small forested planet of Austria in the far reaches of the ruins of the second Bavarian Galactic Empire. He was born into a large family of peasants, six brothers and six sisters, of whom only two survived Hitler's machinations to reach adulthood.
Both our Hitler and Darth Hitler escaped their peasant homes early. At four years of age both of the Hitlers fled into the Space Alps and were raised by Yetis. These gentle beasts had no idea that the child which they took into their cozy little ice homes would one day bring about their entire noble races' destruction.
While living with the Yetis the Hitlers learned many useful skills. Our Hitler learned regular skills like Plumbing baking, nationalism and civics. Darth Hitler learned only evil skills like space ship building and proletarietism. In the evenings the Hitlers would groom the Yetis with space combs and knit clothing from their abundant fur. They would then be sent to bed with warm yetis milk and gentle belly rubs, falling asleep to the sound of wind and distant ice cracking.
Both Hitlers left the Yetis at the age of 17 to forge their seperate ways in the world.
This is where the lives of our Hitler and bizarro world Darth Hitler begin to diverge. While Darth Hitler accidentally rained deadly radiation down on his Yeti benefactors when his Death Star exploded, our Hitler killed the Yetis simply because they were jewish.
Life and accomplishments[edit | edit source]
Our Hitler went on to kill some jews. He was known even after his death for the tremendous volume of his accomplishments. Darth Hitler on the other hand was always haunted by the shadows of his failed evil endeavours.
Early in his career Darth Hitler attempted to unite the galaxy using his evil powers. However, his powers proved no match for the sheer scale of the intergalactic burocracy surrounding the squabbling star systems. Darth Hitler was eventually relegated to the post of a civil engineer where his powers of evil languished with no outlet whatsoever. Until one day an evil idea sparked in Darth Hitler's mind.
Darth Hitler planned his most ambitious project yet. Using both his powers for evil and his position as a civil engineer Darth hitler began building the largest power plant ever designed in the Galaxy. His evil plan was to provide free power and ambundant refined materials to all of the nearby starsystems. The Death Star was nearly as large as a planet itself. It utilized Evil and Anti-Evil collisions to produce pure energy and beam it to all the poor planets in the galaxy. His plan nearly succeeded but for the efforts of an intrepid band of monarchists who blew up the power plant and destroyed all life in the solar systems. The Galaxy breathed a sigh of relief.