User:Crazyswordsman/Never-Never-Land
Are you looking for a place to retire to? A place far away from civilization? A place where you can stop worrying about your annoying son? Or if your son in law is treating your daughter alright? Or do you worry about dying too much? If so, well then have we got the place for you! Paradise far away from civilization! Come to the far off place known as Never-Never-Land! It is guaranteed to make you a happy, worryless man!
Single? We've got lots of hot girls![edit | edit source]
Come to our Mermaid's Lagoon, and we have lots of sexy ladies ready to flirt with an old, ugly chap such as yourself! And they'll strip if you want them to[1] There is a burlesque show every evening at 10:00.
Sick? You can't die![edit | edit source]
You can't die because you can't age! At Never-Never-Land, a strong magic prevents everyone living there from ever growing old. Thus, you will not age, and your organs will never fail! You can live a long and happy life for as long as you want![2] Just so long as you stay within the confines of our resort.
Experience a culture unlike any other![edit | edit source]
Injuns inhabit our lush island. Many of the Injuns are more than willing to share some of their feast with you, so long as you don't trample over them or their village. It would be difficult to do anyway, since you're probably weaker than them.[3]
Footnotes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ The Never-Never-Land Chamber of Commerce is not responsible for any curses given to you by the mermaids.
- ↑ The Never-Never-Land Chamber of Commerce is not responsible for suicide attempts or attacks by pirates.
- ↑ The Never-Never-Land Chamber of Commerce is not responsible for any damage an Injun does to you.