User:Contestant/HowTo:Piss Me Off

There are numerous ways to piss me off. It's fairly easy to do this on some level; it's rather difficult to do this on a high enough level to make me step up to you and beat you fucking senseless. It takes a strong display of douchebaggery to get me up to that point.

Level 1: Be a Mediocre White Bread Midwesterner

Now, I have nothing against Midwesterners, per sé. But when we start getting into the kind of people who plop down in their living room in a moderately-sized rocking chair with a glass of iced tea in one hand and a journal with flowers printed on it in the other, scribbling down their thoughts and musing while splitting their attention between the collection of bird feeders outside their portrait window and the various amusing needlepoints such as "You want it when?," "Bless this mess," and "I don't own my cats, my cats own me," all leisurely hanging above their menagerie of Hallmark greeting cards from the past eight years while country classics like "This Is Our Country," "God Bless America," and "This is America, Burn in Hell You Dirty Hippie" play on loop from wood-panelled speakers, you must forgive me if I come off as a slight bit short-tempered.

Level 2: Laugh Loudly, Proudly, and at the Worst Possible Moments

Specifically, I refer to those who