User:Captainzebra
Overview[edit | edit source]
Captain Zebra is one of the most tremendously useless super heroines ever to have existed. Created many years ago, she is a fighter of crime and a consumer of mints. She heads the famous, popular and utterly useless "Extreme League of B-Movie Heroes" dedicated to fighting crime in all its forms. Or something like that.
Origin[edit | edit source]
It was one cold, snow-filled night in the African Savann...wait. That doesn't make any sense. Rather, It was one torrid, Ebola-filled night in the African Savannah at one small and ambiguous Military Base when a certain Brigadier General Zebra proposed to an unsuspecting young woman. Soon she would become, if slightly unwillingly, his wife. From the unholy union of Brigadier General and Private First Class Zebra would come one Captain Zebra...one of the world's most powerfully useless superheroes. Ever.
Personality[edit | edit source]
Captain Zebra is entirely mediocre. She enjoys having seen movies (but not watching them), reading, and procrastination. She is a connoisseur of mints and other spicy treats. But only minty spice, not in a Mexico way. She is happy-go-lucky and slightly air-headed, but always well intentioned.
Super Powers[edit | edit source]
Extreme Bilingualosity -
As a result of her unusual parentage, Captain Zebra is thoroughly bilingual. Since she was a wee filly she has had the ability to communicate with all manner of animals and this, unsurprisingly, is most effective with her stripy equine kin. Whether or not this has any use in battle and/or super-heroism is completely beside the point. Talking to zebras is really neat.
Illusory Style -
Zoologists have long pondered the question: Why on God's Green Earth do zebras have those silly stripes? While there are many theories--the most widely accepted being, simply, that it is charmingly tacky--more learned individuals know better...it is a highly effective mind trick used by style-conscious equines over the millennia. The graphic black and white is both pleasing to the eye and startling to the mind. When properly used, this clever technique can confuse even the most observant of predators.
Fight or Flight -
A keen sense of smell. Even keener vision. And one extremely jumpy Zebra. It is a useful talent inherited from her zebra brethren. Captain Zebra has an uncanny ability to sense danger (real or imagined) from miles away...at least as long as the wind is right.
Finely Shod Hooves -
What's a zebra without her lion-destroying, dust-kicking, stylishly painted hooves? One sad, sad creature. These fine looking weapons are highly maneuverable and leave one heck of a bruise. Most effective when aimed at face- and groin-intensive areas.
The Zebra Mobile[edit | edit source]
Long ago, Captain Zebra acquired the Original Zebra Mobile, a 1989 Dodge Ramcharger...huge, rusty and completely bereft of a stereo system. However, It did have power locks and windows. While this automobile maintained a certain sense of style, it was completely worthless, being, as it was, incapable of maintaining speeds over 45 miles per hour. Thus, T-ZEBRA (or, The Zebra's Efficient Body Relocation Apparatus) was born. This time, a 1994 Eagle Talon rose to meet the challenge. Its color is highly ambiguous, ranging somewhere between blue and green. While not as charming or overwhelmingly stylish as the previous Zebra Mobile, it certainly moved a lot faster. In 2006, T-ZEBRA was completely destroyed, as was the tender Zebra's heart. Nevertheless, she persevered and made the move to the newest model, a 1992 convertible Chrysler LeBaron, or "T-CBRA" -- Teh Convertible Body Relocation Apparatus. Version one was dubbed "The Great Blue Whale" for it's distinctive coloring, while T-CBRA V.1.2 more closely resembles a White Shark.
External Links[edit | edit source]
Art by Teh Zebra - ART!