User:CaptainSpam/Temp

For Swedish Fish

Add an infobox and more data to make it sound like a real species of fish.

For Detroit Lions

This is desperate for a rewrite, and who better to do it than a Michigander with only a fringe interest in football?

During a five-year period of lackluster ticket and merchandise sales, the NFL felt it necessary to find some way to draw more attention to them. Thus, in 1934, the league formed the Detroit Lions, the best-known comedy troupe in American football.

For Clark Kent

IDEA: Spin the article as if nobody knows he's Superman.

Clark Kent is a mild-mannered news reporter for the Daily Planet, Metropolis's largest newspaper.

For HowTo:Make a webcomic

My friend and I are hopelessly lost with where we were going with this. Will redo later.

Congradulations! You've started your own webcomic! Now, to placate your own delicate ego and/or later manipulate people into your marketing schemes, you want to attract readers to said webcomic. Nothing could be easier!

Starting questions

To start with, consider the following questions:

• Did you start your webcomic in 1998? NOTE: Failing to start your comic in 1998 is a common rookie mistake.
• Do you spend your life playing all the "coolest" video games?
• Does your comic focus primarily on female characters who dress in very few clothes and have tits the size of Buicks?
• Have you ever willingly and truthfully said "this is my new webmanga" in any public online forum or chat?
• Do you describe your webcomic as "exploring the digital zeitgeist"?
• Do you "draw" a sprite comic and can constantly pump out a string of 80's nostalgia references?

If you answered "no" to all the above questions, stop now. Nobody cares about your webcomic.

General hints

First and foremost, you want as much attention as possible. Attention is the single greatest thing you can give to your fledgling webcomic. As wise musicians once said, "Demanding constant attention will only lead to attention". And since what you're looking for is attention, this is a good thing. Attention equates to more readers, and, as stated, attention leads to more attention. Use this to your advantage.

You must also remember, webcomic writing is a direct competition. See that other sprite comic over there? It is your enemy. You must crush it and its author like a cockroach and absorb its hundred readers into the ranks of your eighty readers. The sci-fi thriller whose style you creatively innovated upon to make your sci-fi thriller comic? Destroy it. You must keep readers away from anyone else's comics at any costs, else they might get a higher score and win.

Specific styles

Besides that, you want to advertise as much as possible to gain attention, as noted above. Here are some tips for specific types of comic:

Comic started in 1998

Congratulations! You set the guidelines for permissible artistic "styles" for webcomics! If anyone tries to deviate, their comic will disappear into a cloud of obscurity, their Keenspace Comic Genesis site a grim warning to those who would dabble in the dark art of "creativity". Nobody's pointing any fingers (unless they want those fingers to disappear in painful, mysterious ways), but it seems as if you are part of a secret society whose favor must be curried if a new webcomic is to gain even a tithe of your popularity.

Sprite comic

The most important aspect of sprite comic popularity is your ability to continuously regurgitate 80's nostalgia. Non-stop. Because your "art" "style" entirely plays on your readers' memories of playing video games of that era as a child, you can easily extend this to far, far more than just video games. Just because time has progressed doesn't mean you have to. For example, those cartoons everyone watched WERE the bestest in the whole wide world ever and were in no way, shape, or form any sort of cynically designed marketing ploy to sell toys. Which were also the bestest toys in the whole wide world ever.

• "The Transformers" was the best cartoon ever made. The slightest mention of Optimus Prime should be more than enough to send any spoiled child of the 80's into ecstasy. Therefore, find ways to insert Transformers references into your comic as frequently as possible. It doesn't matter if it actually fits the game the comic's sprites come from; Mega Man didn't transform, but damnit, he will run into things that do if you have anything to say about it.
• "Thundercats" was also the best cartoon ever made. Remember, Thundercats is a prime example of how much better Japanese cartoons are than anything America makes, and the fact that it was made in the 80's reinforces this fact. Mention this often in your forums and newsposts. Ignore the fact that it was actually an American-made cartoon engineered to look Japanese.