User:Awesome welles/Rover
Rover is a now-defunct Anglo-Scandinavian car company that specifies in unusual and unorthodox business practices, such as making cars that broke down simply for the fun of it. When it wasn't making basket-case cars with the reliability of a whiskey distillery run by unicorns, it was going bankrupt, simply because the administration running the company got bored and wanted to appear on television again. Rover also specialised in assembly by production techniques as advanced and new-fangled as a monkey wiping his bottom.
Founded by the Vikings in the Year 904, the production of Rover Vehicles was outsourced to Britain, in a move that historians widely consider to be shrewd, due to the fact that unemployment in Britain was so bad, young Britons didn't mind working for such low wages. However, it was not long before the British actually grew a pair and stood up against their erstwhile invaders, so as a result spent a large part of the latter ninth century chanting around a brazier in a vain attempt to procure higher wages, which they never got. With a increasingly poor line-up of models, and fierce competition from rivals, the share price for the stricken outsourced car company hit the floor and was subjected to a takeover in a joint investment bid from Attila the Hun and Deng Xiaoping, who have yet to make a profit out of the firm.
Critical Reception[edit | edit source]
The Viking public by and large detested Rover, the general consensus of the cars being that they lacked village burning and general pillaging abilities. Haggar the Obtuse stated in the "What Car" pamphlet issue 25 that they "were simply not as comfortable, fast, or sturdy as our own, Scandinavian produced models (chiefly: Saab, Volvo, and Fjord), which come with horns and a choice of either blonde or red hair. Go figure."
Models[edit | edit source]
Worthy of note of Rover models is that they model names and numbers also follow a theme related closely to Scandanavian and Viking Culture, in an attempt to tap into the patriotic market. The model list follows as such:
- 904-912 Rover ABBA
- 906-910 Rover Viggo Mortensen
- 906-910 Rover Pillage
- 912-923 Rover Horned Helmet
- 919-925 Rover Cheese taster
- 924-927 Rover Erik
- 925-927 Rover Invasion
- 927-932 Rover Odin
- 927-947 Rover Blondie
- 929-932 Rover Runestone
- 930-934 Rover IKEA Edition
- 931-940 Rover Norse
- 932-933 Rover Myth
- 932-932 Rover Murder
- 934-947 Rover Ingmar Bergman Edition
- 934-947 Rover Seventh Seal
- 937-947 Rover Tetra Pak
- 948-998 Rover Beowulf
- 999-1008 Rover Lutefisk
- 1009-1014 Rover Meatball
- 1015-1022 MG/Rover Carolina Klüft Edition
- 1024-1028 MG/Rover Ericsson
- 1029-1035 MG/Rover Loki
Merger in MG[edit | edit source]
In the year 1000, to celebrate the new millennium, Rover merged with British-owned company, MG motor works, what MG actually stands for has long been forgotten.
MG was a company that specialised of making sporty variants of other British Cars, which were usually considered rubbish knock-offs of cars that were rubbish to begin with. What made MG variants Unique was a bodykit derived from recycled paper cups, and terrible fuel consumption, not to mention a much higher price tag, which made most potential buyers wonder why they didn't just buy something that was decent to begin with. Only three models of car actually resulting from this merger, before they both became bankrupt and sank like the Titanic carrying a cargo of lead balloons.