User:Auk/Why?:Does it Hurt When I Pee?
Why:Does It Hurt When I Pee?
Man! Today when I woke up I had to pee so badly I thought I wasn’t going to make it to the toilet! When I got to the toilet I couldn’t pee, I just was trying and trying to piss but it just wouldn’t come out! When it finally started to come out it felt like I was pissing a brick made out of templates! At this point I had to trace my footsteps to see what had happened.
Recapping The Past Few Days[edit | edit source]
This being Sunday I didn’t have much more to do than get hammered and watch cartoons, so I decided to start with Thursday and work back to yesterday.
Thursday[edit | edit source]
I started this day like most others… by testing my latest invention; today it happened to be an edible cup. It failed to protect my jewels, and the taste of crystallized sugar covered in blood and urine is terrible.The rest of the day involved ice packs and painkillers. Its doubtful that Thursdays events had anything to do with why I’m in this pain.
Friday[edit | edit source]
Friday I went to the Red Cross to siphon blood for my weekly bath. After that I used my left over blood to play the old “HELP I LOST MY KIDNEY!” prank on strangers, (hooray for free hospital macaroni).
Saturday[edit | edit source]
I think I have figured out how I got sick! Yesterday I went to the wiki-store and got my self an article and it tasted funny. I think I will go see my doctor tomo-AW CRAP! I GOTTA GO AGAIN!
At The Doctor’s Office[edit | edit source]
I went to my doctor today and in the waiting room I read all about what I might have in this book I picked up, it was called something like “a hypochondriac’s guide to all disorders real and fake”, my self diagnosed disorder was “hypogalndualeruncyclopee” disorder. On another note I also have epilepsy, autism, super bipolar, and I’m apparently subconsciously addicted to cocaine. After spending what seemed a day and a half in the waiting room the doctor finally called me in.
Diagnoses[edit | edit source]
In my doctors office he told me that he was not sure but I might have been in the wrong place, but I told him to help me out anyway… I mean even a “car pharmacy” doctor should be qualified enough to help me right? Well after spending an hour arguing with him he said that if I went away and never came back he would help me.