User:ArtemisFowlThe2nd/Pokémon Platinum

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Distorted Satire!

This page contains satire from a world on the reverse side of ours filled with flying Octopus balls, sideways waterfalls and big yellow cats (also flying), so don't judge too harshly because if you don't find it funny then someone like Giratina will. The fact that you found this satire means that you are either witnessing a huge event involving time and space or you are in an ancient cemetery where satire is slightly altered.


Pokémon Platinum is A PWNER GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Story[edit | edit source]

Our story starts with a cool boy named lucas(or it would of been that but he wanted his Japanese name: Koki, because it meant brightness which describes his coolness.

The Begining[edit | edit source]

LucasKoki gets ready to go out of his room when his friend Barry (some stupid wigga on a sugar rush who thinks he's cool who can somehow run without RUNNING SHOES) bolts up the stairs with supersonic speed spitting out utter nonsense.

Koki decides to follow him to lake verity to go stair at some guy who looked emo who instantly left afterward. Then suddenly they hear a Pokemon cry and Barry starts spazzing out and screams "LIKE RUUUUN MAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!!!" in a Shaggy voice because he is scared of harmless pokemon and it is safe to say, has no bawhllz. Then they spot some old guy who gives them pokemon. Barry waits for Koki to choose so he can cheat and be a n00b but gets his ass kicked anyway because he's a retard.

Da Lab[edit | edit source]

Koki goes home to tell mummy about how he handed Barry's ass to him but his mom is too busy being all serious and stuff and tells Koki to go thank the professor for the Pokemon and that she would disown him if he didn't. So Koki runs screaming his head off all the way to Sandgem Town where he meets Dawn who drags him by his arms into Rowan's lab while he kicks and screams trying to escape. Just when Dawn goes to open the door that stupid little wigga bolts out blabbering about stuff like "OLD MAN NO SCARY!!! HE PIMP!!!!!!!!" and runs. Koki tries to make a break for it but is pinned down by Dawn and dragged in anyway.

“This is so scary.. But why do I feel so horny...? Oh no, why she putting her hand right there!?”

~ Koki

Rowan[edit | edit source]

Koki gets thrown into the lab by Dawn to face the wrath of meet Professor Pimp Master Rowan. Rowan asks Koki to be his Pokédex slave and train in the Pimpin' Arts. Koki excepts. Koki leaves the lab and Dawn gives Koki some "Poké ed for dummies" by telling him pointless stuff that everyone already knows. Just as Koki is ready to go on his journey, Dawn tells him to go tell his mom before leaving. So he runs back home crying and tells his mom that he's running away and never coming back.

“Okay, just be back in time for dinner. Okay?”

~ Koki's Mother not taking him seriously


Running Away Forever[edit | edit source]

Dawn shows Koki yet another thing that everyone already knows. He runs blah blah blah and stuff like that.

Jubilife City[edit | edit source]

After randomly running, Koki finds himself in Jubilife City where he sees Dawn. He then runs into some creepy lookin' dude who gives him and Dawn a Vs. Seeker. Why? He says "it's what the kids are in to these days.


Enter Galactic, Sukkas!!![edit | edit source]

Infiltrating Pimp Territory[edit | edit source]

Spear-ish Pillar[edit | edit source]

The Distortion Place of Doom[edit | edit source]

(Someone please add to this page)