User:Andy of Comix, Inc./Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device
The Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device is a handheld device manufactured by Aperture Science Laboratries to create Portals. These portals come in two flavours - Spearmint Blue and Orange Delight. Each portal can be stepped through and you will come out the other one. Aperture Science reminds you that any bleeding is (probably) a desired side effect - you're just "too fucking stupid to notice, you pricks!" - their words, not ours.
History[edit | edit source]
ASHPD - Mark v1.0[edit | edit source]
When production first started, the Portal Device was worth as much as a small African village (or two, if the previous village had received a "visit" from Bill Gates.) The portals could be fired at any flat surface, but there was an unfortunate glitch that stopped the device from being able to fire more than 2 portals in its lifespan. This resulted in many people find portals stuck on rooves and walls. Many tried destroying the machines - this resulted in a miniture Nuclear Winter, wiping out most life within a 5 Mile Radius.
ASHPD - Mark v1.1[edit | edit source]
The second version of the device fixed the glitch from the first design but added a slew of new ones. Namely that all portals came out orange. People often became stuck in walls. This was an undesired effect, but Aperture Science pulled a "Sony" and decided to leave it how it was. Years later they felt bad about and released a dodgy firmware update.
ASHPD - Mark v2.0[edit | edit source]
In 1989, Mark 2 of the Portal Device was designed. While previous versions looked like... well, lets say shit, this version looked great. It was basically an oval with a kind of grabber thingy on the end. However, there were many emissions that made this version unnaccetable. Basically, you gun would always jam. There were no exceptions. The gun would jam, then backfire. The user would die, all the time. If it didn't backfire (and the chances of that were so insanely fucking mad that you might as well've gone and stood inside the thing that will destroy the universe after researching on a theorm about how that thing will destroy the universe) then it'd work fine. But it never did.
