User:Alex Undead

There has never been a search for the lamest uncyclopedia user of all time, but if there were, it would surely be AlexUndead. Alex is believed to be so incredibly lame not only because is he the younger, far more mediocre sibling of Alexander the Great, but also because of his inability to properly edit a page. Also, he is perpetually happy, no matter what horrible things occur in his life, which is just plain annoying.

Alex Undead as he is today, feasting upon a random person's hand.

Early Life

Alex was separate from his family at birth, due to the fact that his parents grew to hate him with a passion after the first hour of his birth. They disposed of Alex by placing him twelve miles out into a desert deprived of food and water. Luckily for Alex, he was able to survive on a diet of sand until he was fifteen years old. On the day of his fifteenth birthday, he realized how utterly dull the desert was, and moved to the great redwood forests of California.

Claim to Lame

Although young Alex's life had been lame since it began, it was not until he moved to California that he became truly lame. While living there he befriended no one at first, not even the animals or plants, as no living being wanted to be near his strong aura of mediocrity. However, when he decided to explore the civilized part of Northern California after spending six years in the forest, Alex found himself living on the hobo-filled streets of San Francisco where he was tolerated by those who were almost as lame as him. His reputation as a truly bad hobo, who was just not cool enough to beg for change, spread quickly amongst the homeless.

Death and Return

Although Alex felt less despised now than he ever had before, he was still greatly hated by many people. One day, Alex woke up to find himself decapitated, and therefore dead. Although there were many murder suspects, no one really cared enough about Alex to take his death to court. Fortunately for Alex, and unfortunately for the rest of the world, his corpse was selected at random to be used in scientific experiments concerning returning the dead to life. Sadly, this experiment worked, and he was now a particularly loserly zombie.

An artist's depiction of Alex. God, he's ugly.

Zombiehood

Determined to put his disability of being undead to good use, Alex worked with zombie rights activist, George Romero to help zombies gain equal rights. This movement actually did help Alex in a way, as he was actually respected by people for once. Some people speculate this sudden drop in lameness was because of the fact that he was no longer able to fully function and speak in the annoying way he used to.

In attempt to make the public understand, Alex writes exactly what his paintings are.

Artistic "Abilities"

In an attempt to demonstrate the true capabilities zombies posses, and in turn show that they are equal to living humans, Alex began painting pictures. Unfortunately for the ever-lame Alex, this plan backfired terribly, as all he could paint was the out-dated de stijl, which is art made up of many geometricpsycopathic shapes. This form of art confused, irritated, and pissed-off many people from all over the world, as it was virtually impossible to understand. Alex, not wanting to let his lameness dissapoint the zombies fighting for equal rights, began to explaint his art using bold, ugly text on his bold, ugly paintings. This cleared things up, and wanna-be avant garde artists pretended to enjoy Alex's art so they would still be considered cool

Alex after the gender reassignment surgery. No longer an ugly guy, Alex is now an ugly woman.

Gender Reassignment Surgery

After being attacked by very angry people protesting his art, Alex realised he could never go out in public again, as long as people recognized him because they would try to kill him. In order to disguise himself, he had gender reasignment surgery to become a woman. The surgery was succesful and Alex was once again able to walk freely in public. However, her lameness was unchanged, and people soon found out that she was indeeed the famously lame zombie. However, she was not attacked as often, as many brainless zombies protected her.

Current Whereabouts

Alex still lives on the streets of San Francisco and still works hard for zombies' rights. She curretly works as a baker, specializing in sourdough bread, though the income is terrible so she must occasionaly prostitute herself to necrophiliacs. Unfortunately for her wallet, there are very few necrophiliacs in San Francisco. Really her only customer is that creepy person, <insert name here>.