From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Unfair)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
An American soldier enjoying the prospect of redistributing some more unfairness.

“Didn't your mum tell you that life is not fair?”

~ A patronising person on unfairness

“It's just petty jealousy

Unfairness (also known as capitalism, life and them's the breaks) is a commonly suffered human condition which disproves the scientific theory of Karma.


Unfairness occurs after the misuse, abuse, neglect, or malfeasance of political, judicial or military systems. The majority of ordinary people suffer such a large amount of unfairness on a daily basis, that they become immune to its effects. The beneficiaries of unfairness are usually the ruling elite who put themselves in charge of administering unfairness to others so that they can ensure that they get the best share of the remaining fairness.

Effects of unfairness[edit]

  • Poverty: People administered with large doses of unfairness generally begin suffering from extreme poverty.
  • Paranoia: This condition is caused when people begin to believe that there is a specific unfairness agenda against them personally, rather than accepting that unfairness is almost always distributed by government on a mass scale.
  • Anger: Sometimes people become so angry with the unfairness of their situation that they rise up in a revolution, overthrow the distributors of unfairness and form redistributionist governments, however the people put in charge of the redistributionist system generally use it to redistribute all of the unfairness onto people other than themselves.
  • Depression: People tend to mope about and whinge a bit more when they are administered a large dose of unfairness for the first time.
  • Tolerance: People who have been administered regular doses of unfairness have been known to build up such an tolerance to the usual effects of unfairness that they need massive doses to even register the effects of unfairness. These people are usually so numbed to the the unfairness of their situation that they don't even know about most of the injustices they are suffering, let alone complain about them.
  • Addiction: People have been known to become so familiar with the suffering and depression caused by unfairness, that they seek out artificial sources of misery such as Coldplay and EastEnders.


Unfairness has been used by ruling elites for centuries to subjugate the majority of their population into poverty stricken dependence.

The principal distributors of unfairness throughout history have been the kings, emperors, noblemen, clergy, judiciary, political classes and the landed-gentry.

There have been many historical attempts to overthrow unfairness, the English Civil War and the establishment of the Commonwealth of England which lasted 20 years and involved the exportation of large amounts of unfairness to Ireland. This regime ended after the restoration of the monarchical unfairness after the 20 year limit on British mass recollection. It has been documented that the ability of the British public to recollect the horrors of previous regimes only lasts 20-21 years before they completely forget how unfair it all was and resurrect the previous regime of unfairness in a fit of misdirected nostalgia. Famous examples include:

  • Abolition of the Monarchy 1640, resurrected 1660.
  • End of World War 1 1918, beginning of World War 2 1939.
  • Britain humiliated as Labour go cap in hand to the IMF 1976, Labour re-elected 1997.
  • Barkingly right wing neoliberal pseudo-economics fanatic Tory leader Thatcher booted out of government 1990, Barkingly right wing neoliberal pseudo-economics fanatic Tory leader leader Cameron elected 2010.

Revolutionaries in other countries like France and Russia learned from the mistakes of the English Revolution by making sure that they killed all of the royalty and toffs so that the leaders of the revolution could hold onto the means of redistributing unfairness in perpetuity.

Contemporary usage[edit]

By the late 20th Century the means of distribution of unfairness had been monopolised by huge undemocratic multinational agencies such as the IMF, the World Bank, the European Union, the United Nations and Starbucks.

While the majority of unfairness has been distributed by these multinational agencies, responsibility for smaller scale distribution of unfairness has been retained by individual countries, the Toffs and the Spivs then sub-contract the unfairness distribution work to the police, judges, soldiers and politicians to ensure that the unfairness is distributed to the proper recipients.

The foremost institution for the academic study of unfairness distribution is known as the School of the Americas at Fort Columbus, Georgia, USA.

Cultural references[edit]

A turd in the hand is better than a turd in the gob. - Traditional English proverb about unfairness