Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Truthful Vending GmbH
Truthful Vending GmbH[edit source]
One day I was working, and as always, drinking the liquid horror they have at those damn machines. And I was thinking, what if one day - I actually come over and get a label saying: Drink your brown liquid crap. You know you'll get it, so don't expect anything better". This is how this article was born. Would appreciate any comments.
~
09:44, 19 October 2007 (UTC)
| Humour: | 8 | Funny! Nice comic pacing. But...see endnotes. |
| Concept: | 7 | Nice idea. |
| Prose and formatting: | 6 | Could use some judicious commas and certainly some spelling work. |
| Images: | 9 | Damn' funny pics. DAMN' funny. |
| Miscellaneous: | 8 | I like this. A lot. And I hope it succeeds. |
| Final Score: | 38 | |
| Reviewer: | ----OEJ 21:39, 19 October 2007 (UTC) | |
Endnotes:
- "An lonely employee enters the building, eyes lowered all parched and miserable after a long weekend with his mates seeking a way to relieve that horrible headache that has been feeling like a group of Scottish bag pipe players gliding all the way down a Scottish Highland, playing with all their might while holding a 8-pound baby each....but we're diverting from our discussion."
A lonely employee, not "an". I would prefer a comma inserted just here: "eyes lowered, all parched and miserable" because otherwise it sounds like the chap's eyes are all parched and miserable. Which may be the case but is probably not what you intended. Oddly enough, it would have to be an 8-pound baby because the farking "eight" begins with a vowel. O curse the English langwich, eh? I suspect most people think you are digressing from your discussion, not "diverting" from it.
And so forth. Somebody -- you, I think -- stuck a "Proofread" sticker on the bottom of the article. It's a fair cop.
Otherwise it's a nice riff on lousy vending machines. And the pictures are first-rate, really really first-rate. Well-captioned, too.
A fine quick read. I actually laughed, which is unusual when I'm doing pee. (I tend to splash all over the lavvy if I even giggle.) ----OEJ 21:39, 19 October 2007 (UTC)
- Thanks for that! As for the proofread, I put it there myself, since I am more than well aware to my limitations in English. Damn language. And every time I feel like I mastered it, someone comes along and digress me :). Thanks! ~
21:47, 19 October 2007 (UTC)
- Thanks for that! As for the proofread, I put it there myself, since I am more than well aware to my limitations in English. Damn language. And every time I feel like I mastered it, someone comes along and digress me :). Thanks! ~