Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Prijepolje
Prijepolje[edit source]
It's potential mates,it really is! .)
Bx228 23:35, September 12, 2010 (UTC)
Dibs. --—John Lydon 12:48, September 13, 2010 (UTC)
| Humour: | 1 | Okay, the biggest issue this article seems to have working against it is the fact that it is almost completely incoherent. I have read it at least eight times and I still have no clue what the heck is going on. It’s hard to derive any humor from something that makes absolutely no sense. My best guess is that you were going for a foreign narration style, sort of like Borat’s broken English. If that’s the case, the broken English is too broken. Take a look at this article. The author uses a sort of Blue collar, tough guy narrative throughout. But it’s still coherent. Again, I’m not sure if you were shooting for the broken English style but if you were, it needs cleaning up.
Like I stated above, I had a lot of trouble making heads or tails of this article, so it’s pretty difficult for me to comment on what humor you may or may not currently have. The best advice I can give in this situation is to take a look at the Wikipedia entry on Prijepolje and look for opportunities to take things in a humorous direction. For instance, the Wikipedia entry says, “One possible meaning of the name Prijepolje is "Prija's field";” That can easily be tweaked for a laugh by saying something like “One possible meaning of the name Prijepolje is “God’s Arsehole”. Not very funny, I know, but you get the point. The main thing to remember here is that you’re covering a subject that is not well known to most readers (unless I’m in the minority here). In cases like that, you need to shy away from inside jokes like these; “The most important infrostructure was consisted of the gym #1,gym#2,gym#78,turbo-folk caffe's with chilled atmosphere.” As the reader, I have no clue what gym#1,2,78, and Turbo-Folk Café are. Instead use broad generalizations that most readers will understand. Saying something like, “The most important infrastructure consisted of a grass hut, where the locals could gather and talk about the lack of infrastructure in Prijepolje”. Again, I’m not going to win any awards for my examples, but the point is there. A reader doesn’t need to know anything about Prijepolje to understand that it’s a shanty town. |
| Concept: | 3 | The main problem with the concept of this article is the fact that it is so obscure. I honestly thought Prijepolje was made up until I read the Wikipedia article. While I like to see authors travel off the well beaten paths from time to time, traveling too far off the path is rarely a good idea.
If you as the author are determined to make this obscure of a subject work, you really need to focus on making the humor generalized and sweeping. Otherwise the whole thing just comes off as nonsense and turns off the reader. |
| Prose and formatting: | 1 | On to the next issue. You seem to have way too much going on in the article. I counted seven images and 5 templates. That’s just way too much when you only have what amounts to about three sections. I know that some of the templates are only temporary, such as the NRV and WIP, but I think that the Warning and Border templates feel unnecessary as well. I’ll cover the images more in the image section of this review. All this extra stuff just seems to clutter the page and make it even harder for the reader to focus on what’s going on. Look at this article’s layout. Notice how the author spread things out to keep it from feeling cluttered.
I would also highly recommend running this article through the Proof reading service. The biggest hurdle facing this issue is it’s incoherency, which they can help with. |
| Images: | 2 | As I stated in the humor section, there is just way too much going on for an article as short as this one. Look at the layout of a few of the featured articles and see what they do. There is no shame in “borrowing” ideas from other articles.
Another thing that needs some attention is the actual images themselves. They all seem to be random and unrelated. You have a picture of what I assume is a dead dog being stepped on, a peeping tom style view of a street, and some kind of flying locomotive thing crashing in a field. Using off the wall images can work but the captions have to tie them into the article. As a reader, I couldn’t make heads or tails of your captions. Seriously. I had no idea what they meant. Removing about half of your images and spending some time coming up with some solid captions would do wonders for this article. If you can’t really come up with solid captions, try selecting images that sort of explain themselves. |
| Miscellaneous: | 1.8 | Averaged Score |
| Final Score: | 8.8 | This article needs a whole lot of work if you want it to survive. The best advice I could give in this situation is to take a step back and really think about what you want to say about your subject. Are people in Prejipolje insane? Dirt poor? Still living in the stone ages? Whatever it is you want to say, make sure that point comes across as clearly as possible. Remember, people from all over the world visit Uncyclopeida, so the clearer you points are, the better the reception by readers. After you have an idea of what you want to say, take some time to review some of the featured content on Uncyclopedia. Try to get a grasp on what passes for funny here. If you're still having trouble with the humor aspect, try reading the HTBFANJS. It has tons of good ideas. Finally I would suggest starting from scratch with this idea. I really didn't see anything that I thought was worth saving. I'm sure that's not what you as the author want to hear but that's the impression I get. |
| Reviewer: | --—John Lydon 14:01, September 13, 2010 (UTC) | |