Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Lieutenant Leslie

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Lieutenant Leslie

--YeOldeLuke 10:32, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

Humour:	2	Don't tale this too hard- the article isn't funny, and there are several reasons why. First, your joke is very exclusive. I don't watch nerd, so much of this humor was lost on me. As HTBFANJS will tell you, making "had to be there" or "to find this funny you had to have watched this show" jokes doesn't really do much for an article, because most people are turned off by jokes that go over their head. Your other problem is that you get redundancy. Repetition can work, but repeating it over and over again with no real joke makes people think that you've run out of ideas. I'd recommend changing it around a bit so that your joke centers around Leslie dieing, as opposed to just pointlessly repeating it. For example: Leslie is a character on Star Trek that does not die. Much of the first series revolves around him not dieing etc.
Concept:	2.5	Well, your concept is problematic, because, as stated above, it centers around a certain group of people (Star Trek fans). Since your main junk is redundancy, there are actually a few ways you could pull this off. I'd recommend taking a look at Cowboy Bebop- it uses redundancy quite well, and it might give you a few ideas. Whatever you do, ust make sure you adequately explain your topic while you crack jokes about it- the trick is to make any random reader laugh when they see it, as well as Star Trek fans.
Prose and formatting:	3	Well, there are everal problems that stick out. I think the main one is that you don't have a main paragraph- just an assorted jumble of quotes, lists, and numbers. What I think you should so is steamroll this formatting wise, and take the ideas that are in your lists and make them into paragraphs. Also, get rid of the humoungous amount of quotes at the beginning of the article, and write a proper introduction. Quotes are very, very overused, and it's advisable to use them as seldom as possible.
Images:	7	You've got 4 images. I don't really have much criticism here, because your images tie into your subject well. Really, the images aren't your problem: just mess around with where you're putting them, and add a caption to the 3rd one, and you should be fine.
Miscellaneous:	3	My overall grade of the article.
Final Score:	17.5	Your article suffers from a lot of the typical problems. If you haven't already, take a look at HTBFANJS. The recap, the best things you can do for your article are too make sure it appeals to a more broad group of people, and fix up your formatting so that you use sections as opposed to quotes and list. This is a hard article to right, but it could be very good if you keep at it. If you need any help or would like me to edit some, hit me up on my talk page and i'd be happy to oblidge. Bottom Line: Fix your formatting, explain your article, and make your jokes less inclusive. Good luck! =)
Reviewer:	Saberwolf116 21:07, 13 June 2009 (UTC)