Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Humphrey Bogart

Main

Current

Reviewed

Archive

Guidelines

FAQ

Committee

RotM

Go ahead, do your worst. They tried it in the pokey and it didn't work, so you go ahead. It'll be like a trip down memory lane.

Humphrey Bogart

Padddy5 23:27, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

This article is under review by none other than..... Stairs. Let down your hopes, eh?

Humour:	7	Section by section: Introduction - I must say, you had a pretty good introduction here. You did a very good job at telling us what we need to know, and at the same time you gave us some laughs. However, that last paragraph got a little confusing almost, namely with the part bout him coming back from the dead. Now, I'm not sure yet if you'll expand on that later, but if you don't, I would suggest taking that part out so it is a bit more understandable. Also, a little something you also screwed up was the tone of the article. You had it going consistently... until the last sentence. I suggest you change that around to make your article sound nice and fluent. That wasn't that big of a problem, but one worth fixing. Other than that though, excellent job. I enjoyed it. Early Life - Ok, so when I first read this I was thinking "Whaaa?" but then it started to grow on me. Ha. My first suggestion is that maybe you empahsize that accent a bit more then you did? Maybe make a bit more New York-ish, like "Cah" instead of "Car", you know? I know that would be a bit of work, but I think that would make it more clear for what exactly you're going at. ALso, to me it was a bit strange that you had the introduction a nice, factual tone and then a different one in the next part. I think you could maybe add the New York tone to the whole article, and make it better all around. But that is just me. Now, as for the section, The part about the childhood was good. You used some good comparisons, namely the eskimo one. However, the sectio about education was hardly about education. I suggest you title it "Th War", and than elaborate a bit more about the war. And, apart from that, take out a bit of the education chunk and say something like "After getting out of school, which he was promptly expelled from, Humphrey had less going for him than an illiterate irishman. (that one was good, by the way) Without any job or education, he decided to get a job in the war." Or something like that. However, you do not need to do that, it is just something I suggest. Early Career - Now this section is not bad either. It was good, and there were nice litte lines to it. However, it was a bit short for my liking. You hav e a niceseries of plays, an I was hoping that you could expand and tell us a little bit more about each play, such as what it was about and what role he played in it. Also, you kept up the tone, good job there. Enjoyable little section here. Casablanca - So. This section/idea made me think a little bit. I wondered why you had a whole section dedicated to one movie. yes, it may be his most famous, but I think you should do a subsection perhaps in the Early Career section. Also, in this Casablnaca section, you seemed to have lost the tone. To me, it seemed like you were sturggling to keep the tone, and in an attempt to do so every once in a while you would add the simile/comparison thing. THis kind of didn't work all that well. My main two suggestions are: Fix up the tone, and make it a subsection with less elaborating. Late Career - There was nothing that special here, and nothing wrong, except for one little thing. Near the end of ti, you said he had 57,000 films altogether. That's just pushing it. It was a little outrageous and unbelieveable, so maybe you should change it to twenty or something to make it better. Also, the last sentence didn't seem to work for me. I don't know why. I think you should come up with a witty last line. Other than that, solid section. Overall, you done good. I operate as seven as an average score, so you've noticed I've given you exactly seven. For me, the part about Casablanca kind of ruined the tempo of the article, and it wasn't all that amusing. That's why I marked you down an eight or so. You did have some good laughs however, and it was enjoyable to read.
Concept:	8	The concept here was good, however, it did clash a little bit. Like I noted above, the tones in the two areas were completely different. This needs to be changed. Either have it in the factual tone, or have in the New York accent tone. Personally, I would choose the accent one, that wouldjust be better for the article and would win more people over. Also, anothe rbig problem was teh Casablanca thing. To me, this was probably the biggest. Like I said above, you should probably sorten it up a bit and then make it a subsection rather than a whole big section. Otherwise, it completely throws off the pace of the article. If you change those things around though, you're in for a good article here. I really like the idea of the accent, and you did a good job working with it.
Prose and formatting:	7	Sometimes, I look back at UU's reviews. To me, I'm amazed at how much crap he can put in the prose and formatting section. It's amazing. Sometimes, it's almost as long as the humour section. As for me though, this section tends to be pretty short. SO, let's get into it. One thing I noticed right off th bet is a lack of links. Add some, and it will look better. With all of the blue. Right. Also, a minor problem is the fact that the introduction is so much longer than the rest of the article. THis is a bit of an eyesore, so what you can do is either: Shorten up the intro and put some of the info in the actualy article, or expand on the other sections. To get more jokes in and make your article more fun, you can expand. But for an easier method, just shorten up the intro. It's up to you.
Images:	7	Nothing all that special. The first image, though, has a caption that is sort of unrealted. It's about James Bond. Huh. If you are going to keep that pic, you should mention something about him being to manly for the spot on James bond somewhere in the article. The other image though, I don't really have any complaint. If you want to, go ahead and add anoher pic. You don't need to though.
Miscellaneous:	7.3	See Below
Final Score:	36.3	You have a couple things to do here: Select one tone of voice: This is very important. Pick one, whichever you think is better. Fix the Casablanca section up: Fix this, and walla, we're all good. Fix up the P&F: It isn' that bad, but you could do a little bit here like shortening the inrto. Do these things, and you article will be awesome. Good work here, and good lcuk.
Reviewer:	Staircase CUNt 17:18, 19 June 2009 (UTC)