Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Invade Fort Dix
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HowTo:Invade Fort Dix[edit source]
apollo1758 18:17, 29 November 2008 (UTC)
| Humour: | 7 | Pretty funny, but it still needs to be worked on. Under “Things you’ll need”, instead of saying you need someone like Jackie Chan, write that you need Jackie Chan. When you wrote “Something to bribe guards with, like money, drugs, or sex if you have none of those” there is no need to have “if you have none of those” at the end of it, since then you’ll be more concise. Your “Joining a terrorist group” needs a lot of work. Instead of just writing stuff like joining communist groups etc., which isn’t funny, why not make your own names and info. for terrorist groups? Eg. Freedom Fighter Organization, and give information about them. Under “Getting your weapons”, it would be worth including that in the USA it is legal to buy guns. Other then that the rest of the article was great. |
| Concept: | 8 | You really did a great job with the concept; invading Fort Dix was very enjoyable for me to read. My only issue with the concept is that the article is about invading the USA, and you do not mention what happens after Fort Dix is invaded. Put an 8th step in that summarises what to do next when Fort Dix is taken over for USA domination and the issue is fixed. |
| Prose and formatting: | 8 | Prose and formatting was great, the only issue is you wrote “If you decide to sneak them into the United States, be sneaky about it. If you just simply mail the goods in, they'll most likely be intercepted, and if it isn't, George W. Bush will get permission to listen in on all your future phone conversations.” This doesn’t entirely make sense. If it isn’t intercepted, why would George Bush get permission to listen in on all your future phone converstaions? You need to make that “isn’t” into an “is.” |
| Images: | 6.5 | The images are relevant, with good quality and formatting, except for your Osama image, which isn’t needed since you only mentioned Osama once in that article, and the Hezbollah and Communist images, because if you fix up that part (see Concept) there will be no need for them. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7.4 | Used the pee formula. |
| Final Score: | 36.9 | This is a great article, and once fixed up I hope to see it become a feature article. Keep up the good work. |
| Reviewer: | --Docile hippopotamus 01:48, 12 December 2008 (UTC) | |