Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Defend your Home
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HowTo:Defend your Home[edit source]
Um yeah had this reviewed already. This was an article I made ages ago which sucked and I'm trying to make it better. Constructive critiscm would be much appreciated. I have made changes since the last review but I'm all out of ideas and dont really know what needs changing.
Wow thanks, that was way more helpful than the last one.
UnNinja 15:42, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 5 | Ok I think you have a good idea of what you want to do with your humour, but I think your approach to executing it is flawed. When you get the tone correct you are very amusing and are sporadically so throughout the article. However you seem inconsistent otherwise. Try to be far less in-your-face with your humour, the key to successfully writing a HowTo is to be less obvious and stupid. Many people fall into this trap, so have a look at some of the featured HowTo's. See how the authors clearly imply that the reader is a moron, but without explicitly stating it. You could try experimenting with this approach in your intro, maybe something along the lines of Why hello<insert name here>, zombie hordes closing in? Just preparing? Have a lot of time on your hands?? Then this is the guide for you!. Also, I see what you are trying to do by expressing an opinion contrary to the article's given view, but this seems to break the flow of the article and leave a reader confused rather than amused (More on this below). |
| Concept: | 7 | I really like your concept and with work you can use it to create an excellent article. However the key to doing so lies in consistency of tone. The key with a HowTo is to teach, so breaking the tone of the article to refer to your own instructions by with something like 'This is idiotic' undermines your instructions and leaves the reader unsure; try to work your way towards a culminating point throughout the article. Also, to draw from your work, to say 'If you have a timber home, you freak' is unprofessional and ruins any tone you might have had previously. To address this try and avoid switching between perspectives in your article. Either write from the first person viewpoint, or from the purely encyclopedic third person. If you run into difficulties doing this then try and avoid referring to yourself as I, use we, and look at wikipedia articles to see how they inform the reader. |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | Your prose are formatted well and you do well to avoid large blocks of text, perhaps too well, some expansion on a couple of sections is slightly desirable as I think you have the makings of a very amusing article, and it would be a shame if it ended too soon. You have a couple of grammar difficulties, nothing to get worked up over or to get the folks at UN:PS excited. Just proofread the article carefully and enlist the help one of the people at UN:PS if you are unsure. My main issue is that your image to text balance is a bit off. If you expand your sections you will need to include a couple more images and, even if you don't, more than one image is always desirable. |
| Images: | 6 | You have one image in the article, and while it is a bit generic on it's own, your caption makes it more amusing. However I think you can do more than this. You should, at the very least, have one more. Think about pictures that compliment your text and add significantly to your article, also try and make the existing image slightly smaller so it doesn't dominate the article |
| Miscellaneous: | 6 | My overall grade of the article. |
| Final Score: | 31 | While this review is very negative I would hope that you are not discouraged, it has the makings of a very good article, if you work at it. My main comments would be, try to ditch the self-deprecating humour and remain detached from the article. Expand a couple of sections, and be a bit more subtle. Good luck with any editing. |
| Reviewer: | --ChiefjusticeDS 18:05, 6 July 2009 (UTC) | |