Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Damien Steven Hirst
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Damien Steven Hirst[edit source]
202.180.120.245 05:56, 19 May 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 1 | I looked this up on Wikipedia, and it sounds like you're trying to make a parody of a British artist. However, your main problem is that there are a lot of people who have never heard of this guy, and this kind of humor will go over there head- at the beginning of your article, I recommend that you go in-depth as to who this guy is, so that people outside of cetain parts of the UK will get the humor. Also, you rely much too heavily on numbers and years-try to omit specific dates in your humor, and more or less make up punchlines as you go- bear in mind, however, that just throwing in any random joke you can think of doesn't make an article funny, it just makes it incoherent- make sure your jokes match the overall style of the article. |
| Concept: | 3 | I'm assuming you think this guy is a douche and want to write an article protraying him as such. That's fine, but you need to make your jokes much less obvious. For example, the line "In 1998 he sued British airways for using coloured spots in an advertising campaign, claiming that he invented both colour and spots" isn't funny, because the joke is so glaringly obvious. Try to be much more subtle- I.E. portray this guy as if he liked suing ideas that were never his. You might want to take a look at the Video Professor incident- it might give you a few ideas on how to portray this guy as greedy. Once you've got your idea down, make a joke out of it- for example, he sued a homeless shelter because they were displaying his work without paying him royalties. That makes him sound like a total douche, but not so much so that it's just unrealistic. |
| Prose and formatting: | 5 | You overlook several key puncuation and spelling issues on this one, so I recommend you read over this article to make sure you've got all your commas in place. Also, don't write your comments on the ICU tag in the article itself, use the talk page. The "later on" section seems kind of filled up with random dates and jokes- you might want to consider trimming it down a bit, as it looks ugly compared to the "Early life" section, which is much shorter. |
| Images: | 0 | There aren't any. Really, an article like this just needs images for the sake of having them. There are two obvious ones I can recommend- a picture of the man himself and a picture of his artwork. Beyond that, you're gonna have to get creative. Just make sure you size down the images so that they fit well with the relevant sections. |
| Miscellaneous: | 2 | My overall grade of the article. |
| Final Score: | 11 | Since you're new here, it's understandable that the article itself isn't very good. However, there are quite a few ways you can improve it- first, change the jokes to be more subtle. Second, explain this guy a bit so that yanks like me will get the jokes. Finally, add some images, and spruce up your sections so that they look more balanced out. Also, I recommend taking a look at the Beginner's guide and HTBFANJS; they'll give you a good idea of what kind of humor we employ around here. Also, I recommend you create an account- it makes things so much easier, and you get more respect as a user than as an IP.
Bottom line: Not very good, get a solid concept and an idea of acceptable standards, and write your article around those things. Good luck! =) |
| Reviewer: | Saberwolf116 03:03, 20 May 2009 (UTC) | |