Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/October 8

Hi Dr. Ruth, my name is Kanter, Enes (N. 11, 2.08 m/113 kg) and I play for the Boston Celtics in the center position. Since June 4 2020, we have been playing in a bubble, which just added to the problem I had to deal with all my life: I don't know what is my orientation. I was born in Switzerland, which is a neutral country, which didn't help much. My parents were Turkish, so we moved to Turkey, and eventually I became the youngest player in Turkish national basketball team history. But after I objected to the policies of Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, Turkey declared I was a terrorist and revoked my citizenship. My father publicly disowned me and asked me to change my surname. I'm also a wrestling fan, and two days ago I heard of this Iranian wrestler who got Brody'd for protesting against the government. This is very scary for me because I have no orientation and no one to protect me except Boston, Where Everybody Knows My Name. But it's not even my Name! It's very hard to perform when you are so disoriented. What should I do? (Full article...)