Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/October 18

Gas tungsten arc welding is just one of many exciting possibilities in the glorious world of welding. It uses a nonconsumable tungsten electrode to produce a quite fascinating thingumy made of metals all stuck together in a sort of tungstenny mass, but without the excess residue, embarrassment or shame of ordinary welding.

The common view of the general public, by which I mean that large group of generalised unwashed people who count for such things, and of whom I may truthfully count none as my friends - gas tungsten arc welding is not as interesting as going to discos and playing loud music on illuminated stereophonic devices. But to these people, it has to be said, "fiddlesticks", and perhaps even "fiddlesticks with knobs welded on", for in actuality and reality, there is nothing quite as interesting, and dare I say it, erotic, on God's goodly earth, as welding with gas.

Now, I raised the thorny issue of sex there, and I did so with serious purpose of mind. For it has to be said that gas tungsten arc welding is almost like sex in every way, except without all that heavy panting and tongues and squelching. Some people, you should know, actually prefer welding to sex. Grown men can find real passion with a rod of tungsten, some gas and an arc. And that, my friend, there is nothing weird about. Maybe you think there is. If so, please remember.... gas tungsten arc welding can also be used to make bombs. (Full article...)