Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/May 30

Adam and Eve, the first humans ever, were created some time late one Friday afternoon in 4004 BC, just before God knocked off work for the weekend. It had been a long week and He was probably tired, which may explain a lot. If we can believe the Bible, the humans were apparently a bit of an afterthought, as God had found the all-too-perfect angels too boring for words and wanted something that would be more fun to play with. Unfortunately He didn't bother to tell them about His rather bizarre plan until after it was all over, which theophanic screw-up led to the first cosmic disaster in recorded history.

Of course, once they got over the shock, the angels thought humans – female-type humans, anyway – were actually pretty cool (to say nothing of wicked sexy) which explains Goliath as well as the Sons of the Bird. But all that came later.

God needed someplace to keep his new pets, so He created the Garden of Eden. As far as anyone can tell, in the very beginning of everything, Eden was, in fact, the only place there was, because nobody'd done anything to get banned and there was no need for there to be anyplace else (yet).

So God installed Adam and Eve in the garden, and gave them some operating instructions: "Go anywhere, and do whatever you want, just don't touch my special trees!" God pointed to a grove of trees growing "in the middle of the garden", as the Bible says. If God had thought to put a chain link fence around the Special Grove a lot of trouble might have been saved later on. (Full article...)