Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/May 10

Michel de Nostredame (14 December or 21 December 1503 – 2 July 1566), was a seer and the author of a famous prophetic book that predicted, with stunning accuracy, that at this very hour you would read this.

Michel de Nostredame, known as Nostradamus to his friends and family, was the third of five children born to his loving mother, Amelia de Rampti, and his heinous father, Damien Nostedame, who worked as a hunchbacked assistant to a mad scientist. Nostradamus grew up in Nottingham, England.

In his youth Nostradamus was very gullible and did anything any of his friends told him to do. Once, on a dare, he called up the Czar of Russia and said: "Go to hell you fucking commie bastard," then hung up. The call was traced and he was arrested and thrown into a Russian supermax prison, where he survived on a diet of water and psychedelic mushrooms. By the time Nostradamus's sentence was up he had become convinced that he was a prophet. (Full article...)