Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/June 29
It's been a long day at the office for you. Driving home, all you can think about is walking through the door, grabbing a bag of Jalapeño Cheddar flavored Cheetos, plopping down onto your recliner, and watching reruns of The Cosby Show and Three's Company until you've passed out. Well, at least you wish that was all you could think about, but somehow you can't manage to get that image out of your head of that very large woman at your office having her clothes ripped off by that copy machine. Remembering this only makes the prospect of passing out in your chair that much more comforting, while also giving you a significant case of the chills.
You arrive in your driveway and close the car door, locking it tightly as you do every day, with the purpose of letting some of the more embarrassing things you keep in there stay secret. As you walk up the driveway, you quickly check your face for any signs of smeared lipstick, and similarly check your pockets for anything that might be incriminating. The last thing you want is a repeat of the last marriage. What a bloody mess that was... literally.
Inside your home, everything seems as normal as it always is. You quickly walk to the kitchen and grab your Cheetos. Mmmmm, nothing like that satisfying jalapeño cheesiness. As you take a seat in your beloved chair, you grab the remote and switch the channel to TV Land. Ah, Cosby is on, just like it always is at this time.
That's when it hits you. You stare down at your empty hands, look up at the empty shelf that once held a marvelous television set, and wonder at the reason for the positively empty feeling underneath your bum. You jump up in surprise, and, for lack of anything better to do in this situation, scream loudly: