Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/June 25

Seriously, John "Bermuda" Schwartz is fucking awesome. Agree with me? You're awesome too. I have scientific evidence on my side. John "Bermuda" Schwartz is the very definition of classical music, and may even be an incarnation of Moses himself. Here's why.

John "Bermuda" Schwartz is an American drummer in the area of Travis Barker from blink-182, Lars Ulrich, and Proscriptor. The idea is that you draw lines between these drummers and then inside the triangle there is Bermuda. Simple! ... if someone knew who Proscriptor was. "Oh noes mommy! The evil black metal drummer is going to rape me in the rectum!" Grow up! John "Bermuda" Schwartz is no less than "Weird Al" Yankovic's life-long drummer, and here's a hint: Al's band is 100% awesomeness. These are the same people who came up with perfect albums like Off the Deep End and Alapalooza, and now you're trying to tell me that this one specific member of the band armed with drum sticks is going to come out like the latest part of the Alien saga and be nothing else but awesome? No way, because that part was no doubt lame and John "Bermuda" Schwartz is definitely awesome. (Full article...)