Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/July 24

The Bohemian Grove is a famous, secret closet-gay snob’s resort that means a lot of things to a very few people. For some envious wanna-be aficionados, such as reality theorist Alex Jones, it is the "Wise Old Owl’s Club,” but for the very, very few insiders it is an upscale gentlemen witch’s den situated in the steamy jungles of Northern California. The Bohemian Grove club house, which is almost invisible, surrounded as it is by glowing neon “Beware of the Owl” signs and heavily armed FEMA guards, is only visited by elitist world leaders, counterfeiters, peeping toms, and soggy-biscuit loving demon worshipers, who all congregate there to plan our future and generally engage in occult rituals such as dressing like hobbits and roasting marshmallows over burning human effigies.

With secretive members who rank highest in the world's food chain, the Bohemian Grove has become a subject intentionally encouraging numerous speculations and stealth trespassing by the less intelligent commoners of the human race. For extreme reality theorists, especially those who suffer from acute inferiority complexes, such as Alex Jones, the Grove is the roof, nay, the temple spire, of all evil and madness that is barfing upon humanity. It is the very Portal to an Over world which is inhabited by owlish forces hell-bent on establishing a New World Order.

Bohemian Grove members only exist to help Moloch control unwanted population growth and establish a fascist autotrophia in which 99% of unlucky mankind (the vast minority) will be financially enslaved by the other 1% of lucky mankind (the tiny majority) through a globalist led “One World Government.” The "Grove" clearly represents the simple fact that 1% of the human race is much smarter than the remaining 99%. In this regard neither Uncyclopedia nor envious reality theorist Alex Jones are trying to insinuate anything, but, heads up! It's coming. Very soon. (Full article...)