Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/February 25

Charles Liebowicz (October 2, 1950 – February 13, 2000), more widely known as Charlie Brown, was the leader of the notorious Peanuts gang for over forty years. Under Brown's leadership, the gang was responsible for dozens of gory murders, hundreds of terrifying robberies, a traveling cooking show, and seven gruesome television specials.

Liebowicz was born and raised in the big city of Saint Paul, Minnesota. Not much is known about his parents, except that they weren't around very much for him — and they had a speech impediment. This, combined with progeria, a common disease which made Liebowicz bald by the age of 5, resulted in severe bouts of depression. Another cause of this, or perhaps a result, was his constant feeling of social isolation. Some psychologists interested in Liebowicz's case have pointed out that while there were many children around him, they could never be considered "friends," as they constantly made of and threw rocks at him. His depression worsened when he was informed that he would be a prepubescent bald kid for the rest of his life. (Full article...)