Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/April 24

The great love of my life marries today and I am not the groom, though I'd gratefully have settled for bridesmaid.

I had my chance a few years ago, but did not realize until too late how fleeting my moment with her was meant to be. Whether it was my fault or hers, and let's face it, it was probably hers mine. I will wonder always about the life I might have had with the most loving and loveable woman I have ever had the pleasure of intimately exploring.

Sometimes, I finally now understand, love, even jungle crazy love, is not enough. Sometimes, as the romance novelists know, timing is everything.

But today is not a day for remorse. It is not a day for lost causes. Today is a day for celebration. The woman I once promised to keep happy is happy. She tells me she is marrying a wonderful man, with a good heart and fully descended testes, whom she believes I would not have headbutted had we met in different circumstances. She lives where she wants to live. She has selected her life's path. All that is left for me to do is to wish her well and to hope that she gets divorced in a few years has made the right choice; that she continues to find in him what she did not find in me. And I am sure he considers himself today the luckiest man on the face of the Earth. although I'll see what I can do about that in this letter. (Full article...)