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UnSitcom! is part of
The UnScripts Project
Your personal Shakspearian folio of humor, love, woe and other silly emotions
UnSitcom! was recorded in front of a computer screen with the help of an internet connection.
INT. APARTMENT. Some guy's browsing About.com for some reason.
Some other guy
Well, well well. If it isn't Mr
chr0n, looking up stupid crap on the internet!
chr0n
I'm looking up the art of making sitcoms. Therefore I'm not looking up stupid crap. Therefore you were wrong. BURN!
Laugh Track
HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Guy who isn't chr0n makes a cartoonishly embarrassed face.
Other guy
But what will you make the sitcom about? I don't see a lot of new ideas floating around.
chr0n
Well,
Goun, unlike you, my mind is not closed to speculating on new possibilities. On exploring new horizons. Why, indeed, an idea for a brilliant sitcom has been lying in front of us the whole time!
Goun
Whatever do you mean?
chr0n
I mean I'm going to make a sitcom based on a few people who're trying to start up an online encyclopedia, unaware of how profoundly moronic their vision is!
Goun
Ah, yes! Truly it is a marvelous idea! At last those liberal cretins at Wikipedia-
chr0n
But I'm not talking about Wikipedia. I'm talking about the encyclopedia you use for homework.
Goun
No...you
wouldn't!!!chr0n
Yes, my evangelical, fundamentalist friend. I am going to make a sitcom...on
Conservapedia!
Actual people all around the world hoot and applaud.
Goun
NO! I will not let you, you commie heathen! I shall stop you at all costs!
chr0n
But you are nothing more than a tenant leasing my apartment! And as of this moment, you have been
EVICT'D!
EVICT'D logo slams onto the screen for cool effect, even as more actual people are heard celebrating the new developments. Cool intro with a cool theme song follows.
INT. STUDIO. chr0n is seen pitching his idea to CBS executives.
Executive 1
Wow! I mean, this is a brilliant idea! That fucktard Andy Schlafly's been doing outrageous stuff right under our noses, but it took this long for someone to actually see it for its monetary potential? You are truly a genius, chr0n sir.
Executive 3
Yes, truly it is a great day for the liberal arts everywhere! Well done, Mr. chr0n! Now you only need to show us the pilot, and the show will rock the airwaves!
chr0n
I will do my best, sirs!
Executive 1
He called us sirs! Truly, we must model everybody after him once
the transition to the New World begins.Executive 2
Oh, nothing! We were just sharing philosophical treatises before you came along!
chr0n
Okay, then. See you once I've finished filming! (leaves)
Executive 3
Agent F, you have to be more careful than that! chr0n could have become suspicious! Our entire master-plan would have been ruined!
Executive 2
Yes, truly the secrecy of Liberal Master Plan was non-negotiable. You nearly compromised us, Agent F. Therefore, you must die.
Executives 2 & 3 morph into their true liberal forms, as red-colored monsters with hammer & sickle-shaped teeth. They eat up Agent F alive, while he'd screaming and pleading in the typical horror-movie fashion. Afterwards, the liberal monsters morph back into their unassuming human disguises.
Executive 3
Ah, what a truly marvelous meal that was!
Executive 2
But I don't feel so good. Maybe there WAS something
foul in the meal after all!
Liberal Laugh Track
MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
A cutaway flashback shows the CBS executives meeting with US President Barack Obama.
Obama
So, is the brainwashing toxin prepared, Agents?
Liberal Agent
Yes, Master
Baraq Hussein Soetoro. The people who watch the third Presidential debate shall be forced to vote for you, by means they have no way of discovering! Indeed, even the most devout Romney supporters will lose their entire memory, which will become replaced with another memory that will convince them to vote for you! Any sane person not affected by the toxin would clearly see through our lies and obvious plan for global domination! But because of this toxin, they will be completely subdued, and will not only vote for you, but will also mock the Republicans, who happen to be mankind's last hope!
Baraq
And Agent Darwin is safe and secure?
Liberal Agent
Yes, indeed! It was a stellar idea to fake his death back in the nineteenth century, so that the Young-Earth Creationists would not be able to expose his lies in time! Now, he continues spreading his own
brainwashing toxin, which has infected the vast majority of the population! Though how the Young-Earth Creationists and Conservapedians managed to remain immune to our attacks remains a mystery.
Baraq
Yes. Conservapedia is a threat that must be eliminated immediately! Despite our best efforts to brainwash the audience into referring to our hypnotic machine
Wikipedia, the resistance to our plans still persists!
Liberal Agent
We need to find a way to destroy the threat of mankind's savior Saint Andrew. And we need to find it soon!
Liberal Scum
And now, we have finally found it!
Liberal Laugh Track
MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Goun and some of his heroic conservative friends overhear both the present and flashback liberal plots thanks to some God-given superpower.
Goun
Oh NO! The world is in the greatest danger of being possessed by Commies since the Renaissance and Russian revolution! We must save it, in the name of our Lord!
Conservative friend
Yes! Good thing this script has no liberal bias, though!
Will Goun save the world from CBS's evil scheme and destroy the liberal scumbag chr0n once and for all? Or will the enemies of God claim ultimate victory and corrupt this sacred world for good? Find out on the next episode of UnSitcom!