UnScripts:Sonic and Tails's Drugventure
Act I: The Fucked Fuckers Snort Cocaine[edit | edit source]
[the scene opens up with Sonic and Tails snorting cocaine in front of Dr. Eggman's lair.]
Sonic: Oh, I'm so fucked up...
Tails: I know, right? I fuckin' love cocaine...
Sonic: Yeah...me too...
[Sonic snorts another buttload of cocaine.]
Tails: One question, though...
Sonic: Yeah?
Tails: Why the FUCK are we doing this in front of Eggman's lair?! He could call the fuckin' cops!!!
Sonic: And? He's not gonna fuckin' do it, he's a pussy, he can't even kill us.
Tails: You're right, I guess. That fatass motherfucker can't call the cops.
[the screen zooms out through a security camera and shows Dr. Eggman sitting at his monitor like a discord mod]
Dr. Eggman: Sonic and Tails? Snorting cocaine? In front of MY lair? Fuck no!
[Dr. Eggman dials 911 and the cops arrive in front of Sonic and Tails.]
Act II: The Cocaine Snorters On the Fuckin' Run[edit | edit source]
Cops: Put your fuckin' hands in the fuckin' air, bitches!
Sonic: Fuck no!
Cops: Okay then, goodbye!
[the cops try to shoot them, but they start running away at the speed of sound.]
Cops: Shit! They got away! Get 'em!
[the cops get in their police cars and drive towards them and start shooting.]
Sonic: Fuck! They're shooting at us!
Tails: I have an idea! What if we spindash, then we can get farther away and ricochet the bullets at the same time!
Sonic: Perfect idea!
[Sonic and Tails spindash, the bullets ricochet and kill a cop, then they speed off faster than ever before.]
Cops: Fuck! He got the driver!
[the car swerves, and falls into the waterfall]
Cops: No! Jimmy! Noooooooooooo!
Sonic: I think we lost 'em! They're not even in sight anymore!
[they stop running.]
Tails: Phew! We escaped 'em...
Sonic: Thank god...we could fucking died there...
Tails: Should we go hide somewhere?
Sonic: Yeah, let's go to your workshop.
Act III: The Sex Scene[edit | edit source]
[Sonic and Tails make it to Tails's workshop, and snort the cocaine there.]
Tails: This...this is the life...this couldn't get any better...
[Amy gets to the workshop]
Sonic: Or maybe it can...
Amy: Hey Sonic...could I have some? I'd like to snort some with you...and maybe more...
Sonic: Why not?
[Sonic gives Amy the cocaine, and she snorts as much as they did in one second and gets very high.]
Amy: Oh...that was good...
Sonic: It was? Good...
[Sonic grabs the cocaine back from Amy.]
Amy: Hey, Sonic...
Sonic: Yeah?
Amy: Follow me, I want to show you something...
Sonic: Okay, Amy...
[the scene cuts to Sonic and Amy in Tails's guest bedroom, Amy undresses herself, and they fuck each other, and then it cuts to Tails outside the workshop.]
Tails: Man...I wish I could fuck somebody like Sonic is...but I don't get bitches...
[the cops arrive at Tails's workshop, and Tails runs inside to tell them, the screen cuts to Tails inside, and he bangs on the door and it opens, and Sonic and Amy are midway through.]
Amy: Oh...it's so...good...Sonic...don't...stop...
Sonic: Alright babe...wait...Tails! What're you doing?! We're fucking right now, if you can't fucking tell!
Tails: The cops are back!
Sonic and Amy: Shit!
[Amy gets her clothes back on, and they all jump out of the window and run from the cops]
Cops: Shit! They're getting away!
Act IV: The Fucking Murder Scene[edit | edit source]
[They keep running, until Tails pulls out something. It's a...it's a...it's a...it's an M16!]
Tails: I'm sick of just running! Time for the motherfucking murder!
[Tails stops and shoots the cops, and after gallons of blood is spilled, every single cop is dead.]
Sonic: Holy shit, Tails! You did it!
Tails: See? I knew I could snort cocaine and murder people...
Sonic: You know what? Let's go home.
Tails and Amy: Okay, Sonic. Let's go.
[they go back to Tails's workshop.]
Act V: Cameo[edit | edit source]
Sonic: Yo, wait...is that...
Everybody: Karl?
Karl: Yeah, motherfuckers. Let's snort cocaine and party!
[the scene cuts to the party, and everyone is attending.]
Sonic: Yo! This is so fucking cool!
Tails: Yeah!
Amy: Of course! Here, let's go...
[they once again go to the bedroom.]
Act VI: Epilogue[edit | edit source]
[the scene goes to Sonic and Amy once again doing it.]
Amy: Oh...you do it so well...
Sonic: Thanks...heheh...
[they continue doing it, and it fades to black.]
The End[edit | edit source]
The end.