UnNews talk:Empire Magazine resurrects Stanley Kubrick to ask his opinion about Marvel movies
You wanna review? You getta review! Working on it naow, meow. User:Mrthejazz/sig 01:54, 28 October 2019 (UTC)
| Humour: | 7 | So I had a few guffaws but I wasn't wetting my pants, at least not accidentally. I deducted one point for the kitten huffing reference. Sorry but I come from a time where kitten huffing references were so rampant on this site that the sight of one left me barfing out my eyelids. Outside that though, humor was decent. I think there were some "voice" issues / tone issues with the writing style that distracted my focus from the article and made it harder to stay focused. While that would normally go in the prose section, the humor also was impacted by it a little so I'm mentioning it here as well. I'll go more in detail about the kind of things I'm talking about in the prose section. |
| Concept: | 9 | I like the idea of it, doing a send up of all these people making a big deal about the Marvel Universe movies. Nothing like bringing a dead filmmaker back from the grave just to get his opinion. Some ways you could have expanded: if maybe you go a little further into the details of the ritual or maybe make up something more complex and Rube-Goldberg like to bring him back. This would lay more emphasis on the idea that all this is being done just to ask him a mostly unnecessary question. Since there's all that stuff about Kubrick being Iluminati etc, you could even take stuff from his movies and incorporate it into the ritual to revive him. I think that would spice it up a little more than the kitten huffing thing. |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | Ok, so from a grammar and spelling perspective, everything is looking good with the exception of Another fan supported the call: “We need to stand up for our poor, helpless billion-dollar franchise against those snobby deceased filmmakers!” Change the colon to a period. Where I'm running into trouble more is the tone and tense choices. The first sentence is also longer so it feels a little awkward. I would change class back in college or have heard about to class back in college, heard about . Both sentences are grammatically correct, but the second is slightly less awkward.
I think probably the greatest opportunity for improvement here is the Twitter paragraph. The quotes aren't always set up in the format that I'd expect from a news article. You could "use one fan said that" and then write what was said without quotation marks, or you could say "according to" and make up a name of a fan. If you have a name then you use the quotes. So, for example you could say, Twitter user Kubricklovechild72 was unafraid to express his displeasure. "I cannot believe such an esteemed ..." and so on. Some of the same fans who had previously owned posters of A Clockwork Orange were now saying, “His movies were never any good to begin with!” Kind of the same idea here. You can strengthen this by either specifying a name or Twitter handle, or giving a more concrete example. So something like. User AClockworkMarryMeKubrick said, "I'm throwing away all my Clockwork Orange posters. I never liked his movies anyway!" That one is kind of lame but I think you get the idea of where I'm coming from on that one. |
| Images: | 8 | So 1-2 images are pretty standard for UnNews. Image itself isn't inherently funny except for Kubrick's eyebrows, but again most UnNews articles you don't expect it to. Caption is spot on. I gave 8 because it's a little above par and what you would expect. I don't necessarily have criticism but I'm judging by the standard of if I'm literally laughing at the image etc. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7.3 | Just a gold old fashioned average. |
| Final Score: | 38.3 | All told, a great fun article, wonderful send up of these silly moviemakers. Biggest places to work on is smoothing out the tone issues, maybe expanding on the whole occult thing and making the ritual some silly over the top complex thing, and honestly by smoothing out the tone, you'll improve the humor as well so the two kind of go together. Thanks for sharing your work. I too have been gone for quite some time so it's nice to do a little review for old time's sake. |
| Reviewer: | User:Mrthejazz/sig 03:02, 28 October 2019 (UTC) | |