UnNews talk:Congress Declares "Proper Time" to Admit Mexicans

Hey Falcotron,

I love it. Especially the Guatemalan and the Republicans.

Only two things spring to mind, the first being that the intro might look better if "Yesterday that 'proper time' finally arrived" was tacked on to the first paragraph, or made a paragraph of its own.

(Another thing I'd consider doing with the intro is get the excitement right up top, as in "ECSTATIC Mexicans danced in the streets on their five-minute lunch breaks today after the US Congress decided...)

The only real problem I see is that it all becomes factual in the second half. Might help if you muddied the waters of truth a little by, I dunno, turning the "Mexican Cession" into "the Mexican Carpetbag" and "$15 million" into something like "$15.95 (plus tax) and 200,000 dishwashing jobs", and so on. What do you think?

Since you've introduced Jesus San Vicente it might be an idea to describe him. Is he a moustachioed day labourer with a white straw cowboy hat? Did he drive his El Camino up to Beverly Hills to stake his claim? Might be good to get a quote from him too.

Oh, one last thing. To reduce the fact content further maybe you could not even bother explaining Article 10, so

"Article 10 of the treaty, which required America to honor all land grants awarded by Spain or Mexico, was removed from the treaty to be ratified separately, and then tabled and never voted on. A few Mexican-American families are eagerly awaiting a Congressional decision"

can become

"The treaty also required America to honor all land grants made by Spain and Mexico back in the day, prompting Venice Beach churro vendor Jesus San Vicente to jump in his '76 Pontiac Grand Am...."

Anyway, feel free to use any, all or none of my suggestions. Oh, and thanks for the plug for my old yarn.

Vive los pinche Estado Unidos! -- Sir Armando Perentie KUN FP 11:14, 15 August 2006 (UTC)

Thanks. I took most or all of your suggestions (although I think El Caminos are inherently funnier than Grand Ams), and the article is definitely better now.

By the way, I wanted the Mexican names to all have something funny about them, but I couldn't think of anything. I also had a joke about northern California's Mexicans insisting that they're Norteños not Sudeños and demanding a separate law for themselves, but it was probably only funny to people in San Francisco, so I scrapped it. Anyway, I'll look it over again after work and then post it.

From La Ciudad del Mission de San Francisco --Falcotron 15:54, 15 August 2006 (UTC)