UnNews:World's Youngest Father Speaks Out

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

9 December 2011

James was affectionately referred to as "our little pimp" by his family.

NEW ENGLAND, New England -- James Prometheus Scott, at two years old the youngest father of all time, said his first words yesterday.

"I was walking into the room last night to give him a goodnight kiss, and he was like 'Bitch, where's my foot rub?' Isn't that so cute?" said Mary Scott, James' mother.

James received international attention last year when he impregnated Delilah Deluskin, also two now, on a play date.

"There was apparently a little more than playing on that date," said the Deluskin family doctor. "And long story short, we ended up having to get a baby out of a baby."

Due to the circumstances, the doctor was forced to do the birthing through a special procedure in which he stuck his hand down Delilah's throat and pulled the baby out manually.

Delilah was unable and unwilling to comment.

"She cried a lot at first, but once I put a Dora the Explorer doll in her hand, everything went by smoothly," said the doctor.

Due to being infants, James and Delilah were unable to comment on the phenomenon at the time. Now that James can presumably speak full sentences, UnNews plans to try again.

UPDATE (3 seconds ago): While getting ready for the interview, James bit a reporter's hand and threw up on her good shirt. We threatened to file charges against the family, but his mother cleared up the misunderstanding.

"Apparently, it was my husband asking for the foot rub. It was dark, and they sound surprisingly alike. Sorry about that," she explained.

UnNews plans to try the interview again in ten years.

Sources

• Kate Watson-Smyth "Youngest father speaks out" The Independent, January 26, 1998