UnNews:Winters wallops Canada from coast to coast
|
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
3 December 2007
Jeremy Winters wallops Canada from coast to coast.[edit | edit source]
Montral, Canada (CP)- Many Canadians braced for blasts of wintry weather Monday after a weekend that saw much of the country blanketed in snow. Department of National Defence Headless Quarters report the cause of this unseasonable weather to be a death-weather-ray designed and controlled by Jonathan Winters' alter ego, Jeremy Winters. Winters, who is best known for playing Santa in Santa vs the Rabid Four Headed Snowman [sic], the Evil Narrator in Frosty the Frozen Bastard Returns [sic] and Sir Quigley Broken Bottom in Saiyu-ki, is holed up in his Koresh-like compound in Venice, California. He is quoted as saying "I wish those f--king Canooks would just leave me alone, I paid my f--king hotel bill twenny [sic] f--king years ago for Chrissakes! Eat snow ya bunch of dicksicles!"
Lobbyists from the Canadian Ski and Snowboard Mountain Owners and Operaters Association, together with Bombardier Recreational Products and The Coalition of Canadian Collision Centres are pushing the government to do more to piss Winters off.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Elvis "Some place out there, beyond your sweetest dreams" Slainte, December 3, 2007