UnNews:UnNews Announces Morse Code RSS feed
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
16 April 2006
(UnNews Secret Headquarters) UnNews Inc., a subsidiary of Uncyclopedia (ticker: UNC), proudly announced a state-of-the-art Morse Code RSS feed today. It is the first such feed in the world; although WikiNews promised to release theirs earlier this month, technical problems have plagued their project, delaying it for at least another year. The UnNews feed worked flawlessly on its first day of operation. Shares of the company rose 12% on the New York Stock Exchange. Analysts say the new media format should soon propel UnNews to be the #1 news source in the world.
The unveiling of the feed was intentionally made to coincide with Easter, because "Jesus was a big fan of codes. Morse code, Da Vinci code... all kinds of codes," according to UnNews spiritual advisor Miss Cleo.
The RSS feed, generated in real-time at UnNews Secret Headquarters, consists of a series of dots and dashes which represent individual letters. Since there are only two symbols, they can be easily transmitted in binary using 1s and 0s. The revolutionary technology will allow breaking news to travel across the world's telegraph lines in lightning speed; no more waiting for transport ships with newspapers to cross the Atlantic.
UnNews world co-anchor and executive producer Olipro hailed the development as "the biggest thing since the invention of electricity," and "the most significant media innovation since the dawn of time." US correspondent Rangeley concurred, adding, "Now that I can write articles using just dots and dashes, instead of the complicated alphabet that contains over 20 letters, I will be able to write 10 times faster!"
The Morse Code feed is also being praised by the education and health departments, which are happy about the opportunites it will provide for people suffering from Morsecodi Syndrome. The genetic disease afflicts about 5% of the population, and makes sufferers unable to read anything but dots and dashes. Those two characters are precisely how Morse Code is encoded, allowing the deprived patients to finally get access to news without having to listen to a Podcast.
As a demonstration of the powerful new system, the remainder of this article will be transmitted using our Morse Code RSS feed.
..- -. -. . .-- ... / .-. . .--. --- .-. - . .-. ... / .- .-. . / .- -- .- --.. . -.. / - .... .- - / -.-- --- ..- / .- -.-. - ..- .- .-.. .-.. -.-- / - --- --- -.- / - .... . / - .. -- . / - --- / - .-. .- -. ... .-.. .- - . / - .... .. ... / .. -. - --- / -- --- .-. ... . / -.-. --- -.. . .-.-.- / --. . - / .- / .-.. .. ..-. . / -.-- --- ..- / .-.. --- ... . .-. .-.-.- .. / -... . - / -.-- --- ..- / .--- ..- ... - / ..- ... . -.. / .- -. / --- -. .-.. .. -. . / -- --- .-. ... . / -.-. --- -.. . / - .-. .- -. ... .-.. .- - --- .-. --..-- / .--- ..- ... - / .-.. .. -.- . / - .... . / --- -. . / .. / ..- ... . -.. / - --- / --. . -. . .-. .- - . / - .... .. ... / - . -..- - / .. -. / - .... . / ..-. .. .-. ... - / .--. .-.. .- -.-. . .-.-.-
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Samuel Morse "Cheat sheet" "", April 16, 2006