UnNews:UK Energy Blackout

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

10 October 2005

The UK is forecast to experience a total loss of all energy supplies this winter on the back of an updated cold weather forecast from the Meto Orifice.

Today at 9:14am the Meto Orifice released an updated outlook statement for the coming winter saying that it was going to be cold and that we should all be looking to stock up on beans, rice and air freshener. Within the statement the forecast temperatures were indicating a temperature average of 3 degrees kelvin, indicating the solidification of all out regular energy sources.

"People venturing out in this weather should wrap up well and there will be a degree of wind chill." Mr Kelvin was quoted in an interview this morning. "The expectation for snow has the usual degree of uncertainty and we will be issuing the public with special forecasting coins nearer the time."

Unfortunately we were unable to get any comment from the ministry of energy or the department of energy regulation "Off" (they lost the gem part when several key members of the team left).

It is believed to have happened after Margaret Thatcher stole all of Scotland's oil, and used it to fund her international terrorist son Mark Thatcher.

This afternoon Infocrap, the energy consultancy, were able to provide us with a new forecast based on the updated weather outlook. "Basically, we're buggered." said Mr Therm, the lead analist at the firm. Within the report "several key factors and decisions many years ago" will lead to the blackout Mr Therm added. "Basically it all goes back to the decision to use rubber in vehicle tyres as they are not very practical when temperatures drop slightly. The tendency to shatter poses a significant risk to other road users." Mr Therm added.

Later this evening a special parliamentary session will be held that will cover themselves and hopefully the rest of us.