UnNews:U.S. sanctioned by IAEA

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

19 December 2006

The U.S. does not advertise its nuclear program.

NEW YORK, New York - The IKEA (International Kids Energy Agency), part of the UN (Ununited Nations), sanctioned the U.S. (Unintelligent States of America) for its possession and use of nuclear weapons. The U.S. has called for sanctions against Iran, a country in the process of developing nuclear weapons, but instead was sanctioned themselves. UN inspectors are expected to assume posts in all U.S. nuclear facilities within the next week.

"We finally got through all the paperwork and found the U.S.'s history of nuclear weapons, and we were just appalled," said IKEA spokesperson A. Tommy Le'Ponn. "The U.S. developed and used nuclear weapons without provocation on the nuclear, biological, or chemical level. It deliberately incinerated thousands of Japanese civilians more then sixty years ago. We just found that out after working through the miles of paperwork."

Le'Ponn declined to comment on the effectiveness of the UN bureaucracy.

"They also neglected proper safety measures when using nuclear technology as a power source, as demonstrated by the Three Mile Island accident. We only unearthed the report for that last week."

President George Bush of the U.S. commented on his country's use of nuclear power plants. "We don't need no newfangled nuclear energy from splitting molecules. We're doin' a heckuva job buyin oil from our Arab friends. I'm sure they'll put that money for a good cause."