UnNews:Twentieth Covid booster mutates, now everyone loves shots

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Friday, October 21, 2022

Pfizer scientists recently developed the 20th Covid booster shot, that protects against the Alpha, Beta, Sigma-Cloud, Omicron, and the PI variants – which last forever - while, inexplicably, also removing hesitancy about getting the shot.

Proteins of a science denier

“You have to get the shot to prevent vaccine hesitancy, but if someone is hesitant, they’re not likely to get the shot. That’s a problem” said Pfizer’s Dr. Grey Frogge who developed the vaccine. “Like with all boosters, I tested it on live bait.”

Prior to the development of the vaccine, CDC witch-hunting victim, lab assistant Anthony Fauci had been lecturing about inoculation theory – a psychological concept geared to prevent online brainwashing, including vaccine hesitancy – and Frogge thought he meant creating a vaccine to prevent brainwashing.

“How was I supposed to know?” said Frogge. “I develop a new booster daily and test it on what I feed frogs in captivity. Bottom line, the CDC doesn’t care – I’ve never written a peer-reviewed paper in my life. I don’t even have a microscope. I just assume Covid looks like cactus.

“I also wanted to be famous.”

Those susceptible to brainwashing - from proponents of science denialism; flat earthism; anti-vax movements, as mentioned; and conspiracy theories about libtards who shapeshift - tend to have mushy, oatmeal-like, un-spiked proteins. They’ll believe anything, as long as it’s mush - or else flaky, like dried oatmeal. Typically, those who are vulnerable to brainwashing will close themselves off to solid, reasonable thoughts as tightly as a Venus flytrap; are too lazy to do comprehensive research, like a Venus flytrap; suffer from the know-it-all Dunning-Kruger syndrome; and won’t analyze their beliefs.

Spiked protein of a median human

 “I needed to spike the proteins of these people,” said Frogge. “Unfortunately, that attracts Covid, which also has spiked proteins, but since these people have had Covid 10 times and nearly died from defiantly licking lampposts and holding Covid parties – I counted on the symptoms being mild.”

“Paradoxically, this booster protects normal people from all the Covid strains, including the perpetual PI strains. So, who cares?”

Still, it seems the booster has helped more oatmeal people than it has hurt. “I could actually feel the proteins spike in my body,” said one. “They felt funny, like they were tickling my spleen. I sat down to read Foreign Affairs magazine, peer-reviewed papers on Google Scholar, and such. I’ve never felt this good.”