UnNews:Three Blind Mice in NHS scandal
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
8 November 2006
Three blind mice. Three blind mice.
See how they run. See how they run.
They all ran after the farmer's wife
Who cut off their tails with a carving knife.
Did you ever see such a thing in your life
As three blind mice?
Bristol, UK -- The British public erupted in outrage today as it was alleged that the Three Blind Mice had bought their way to the front of NHS waiting queues for operations for the incurable disease known as 'blindness'.
They were unavailable for comment today but a spokesperson on behalf of the group, who shot to fame after their nursery ryhme became a hit among school children, claimed 'these allegations are entirely false' and that 'anyone saying otherwise must be bat fuck insane.
'Although the mice have been entirely cured of their blindness after a recent visit to an NHS hospital, it has nothing to do with paying off Dr. Malone of the Eye Clinic. When visiting sick orphans for charity volunteer work, they happened to come across Jesus, and he cured them, simple as.'
Arthur, of an angry mob, says 'this is a disgrace. I've been waiting for a new hip for twenty years and they come swanning in flashing the cash and get new eyes sooner than you can say 'steal their sticks!.
The general consensus among the cheapskates who will not succumb to BUPA, is that the new eyes should be ripped out and fed to the three scoundrels to 'teach them a lesson' and to 'enforce the party motto'.
Patricia Hewitt, Secretary of State for Health, claims that the 'incident will be looked into as a mater of urgency and a full investigation will be carried out, personally, by me, because I am committed to making the NHS even better than it already is!' whilst sniggering and asking her chauffeur to drive to the nearest vender of alcohol.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- BBC NEWS "Three Blind Mice get new eyes early due to dirty tactics" BBC, November 08, 2006