UnNews:The mother who insists on wrestling her children aged FIVE and THREE
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
11 June 2008
ALCOHOLIC SINGLE MOTHER Janet "Hitman" Heystaks is not a conventional mother. She insists on wrestling with her children "at least three times a day" in order to "give them the best possible start in life." She insists that wrestling is said to benefit both mother and child as a means of maternal bonding, but mother-of-two Ms Heystaks has taken this to the extreme as she continues to bout with daughter Geraldine, nearly five and a half, and her little brother Brett, who is almost four, with her own brand of "wrestling entertainment".
Heystaks, 45, believes her daughter and son are currently on course to become the next big thing in world wrestling, "I think in Brett we are seeing the next "Hacksaw Jim Poostanes" or even the late, great "Rapist Rick Gaypants"". She added the benefits for her two offspring were definitely worth the time she spends clotheslining them and pummelling their skulls into the floor.
She said: "My children's friends have seen them submit under my best choke holds. They both come and try their luck with their ol'mum but up to now I find little difficulty in scissor-kicking the little shits in time for tea."
Sources[edit | edit source]
- OW MUMMY, YOU'RE PERFORMING AN ILLEGAL MOVE! "get outa that y'bastard" bollocks, June 09, 2008