UnNews:Taco Bell Renamed Taco Hell for 'Poor Food'
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
27 July 2008
IRVINE, California - The world's largest Mexican fast-food corporation, Taco Bell, often known for that insane chihuahua on their lame commercials, has often been regarded by citizens across the planet to have "Poor quality food on-the-go". And, after many customers of the famous restaurant became ill with food poison, people across America decided to attack Taco Bell. Not attack as in start a war, that would mean all of your local Taco Bells burning to the ground, but rather attack it in the court-room.
| “ | I was once a weekly customer of Taco Bell, the food quality was amazing. I always used to slowly savor the tender meat in my soft taco, slobber with joy all over it. But, slowly over time, food quality began to decrease. I still was a customer there twice a week, and knew the workers by name, But soon the manager changed, and the workers seemed to change every week. Scared by the thought that my food might be shit by the end of the month, I bought Taco Bell meals in bulk, and saved them in my refrigerator. Once I was done with these I had to go back, but at this time I already had a son, so traveling was not an option.
But I could not live without my Taco Bell. So, I took my two month old son down to the Taco Bell and bought myself a burrito. This burrito had a different taste, more like it was moldy. When I unrolled it, I found guacamole inside, something I always said 'NO NO NO NO NO!!!' to. And so I went up to the counter, told them of the tragedy, and got a new burrito, this time without guacamole. Still, the Taco tasted weird and different. However, I went on home, took a shower, played with my son. Then I felt sick. Was it the Taco? It had to have been. After my case of diarrhea ended, I went back to that taco bell and told them. They acted sincere, but I was not convinced. So I joined a band of people that I am here with today. We are outside of the Taco Bell Headquarters, chanting that they should become "Taco Hell" rather than Taco Bell. They have apparently just done this, from what I have heard, but the guards have yet to ship us away from the building. SO here I am today, once a loyal customer of Taco Bell, or Taco Hell, and now an enemy, a protestor. |
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— Taco Bell customer
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This was one of the Taco Bell protestors outside of the Taco bell headquarters in Irvine. The group of people became known as the "Taco Mafia", but no one really knows why. These protestors, a band of thousands of people, wanted the Taco Bell corporation to change their restaurants names to "Taco Hell" to warn customers of food quality.
First this group was nothing but a mere ant, and Taco Bell had a magnifying glass. But the day was over cast, some more and more ants kept coming, the group was growing. Soon it was the size of nearly a million people chanting "Taco Hell, Taco Hell!". What could the Taco Bell company do? Take it to court. They thought that their lawyers would win the battle of law, the duel in the courtroom. But they could not however. The case started on the 14 of this month, and the case went on for one and a half weeks. Taco Bell, confident in it's lawyers sat back to enjoy the ride -- which in fact was really bumpy. Throughout the first week, the case went back and forth, anyone's game really, but as the case ended, it went to the civilians' side.
So, Taco bell was charged with 12 million dolars in damages, and had to change their name to "Taco Hell". The once very popular fast-food restaurant is now nothing more than your corner deli -- no one goes to it, except people who want liquor. And, with the new law forbidding trans fats in all of restaurants, bakeries, etc in California, Taco Hell has taken another hard hit. Most of their foods are chock-full of trans fats.
So now Taco Hell is screwed for life. Currently filing bankruptcy and closing down all of their restaurants, the once best Mexican food restaurant has becamoe nothing more than that ant. And America has the magnifying glass.
Source[edit | edit source]
Steve Bruhman "Taco Hell is the new Taco Bell" CNN, 27 July 2008