UnNews:Swine flu interviewed!

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

21 July 2009

Swine flu: It’s not my fault’’ - Swine flu speaks out against allegations that he is a murdering bastard.

Health Secretary Andy Burnham has outline plans for a swine flu advice service to be launched by Friday, amid criticism the help centre was intended to be launched up to six months ago. The fact that the Swine flu advice centre is finally ready for launch is great news for the strain of flu who will finally have some place to go for help.

Swine Flu has come under massive criticism from the general population and to his dismay, highly regarded, yet extremely inaccurate websites such as Wikipedia have gotten in on the witch hunt too referring to him by some derogatory, hurtful names including ‘hog flu’ and ‘Bacon Lung’. When asked how he felt about these nicknames, swine flu broke down and cried, weeping out the words ‘’it’s…ju..just sooo mean’’. This was obviously saddening, and hilarious. Because of this he has finally agreed to embrace the media spotlight and answer some of the questions that have been mailed in by readers:

Should I have a swine flu party?

I’d be flattered

Are older people more likely to catch swine flu?

I’ve always had a bit of a milf and gilf fetish…

When asked why he felt it wasn’t his fault for bastardly killing all of his already sickly victims he replied: ‘’I just like people and being around them, I’m loving and friendly like that, I have quite an infectious personality once you get to know me.‘’

The Virus thought this pun was funny; UnNews hated him just a little bit more.

He continued: ‘’people should think of me less like a heartless murderer and more like a disgusting horrible leper who just wants some love and affection‘’’’

After this deep insight into the life of swine flu, It is the respectable and professional opinion of UnNews that this swine leper should be captured and sent to some abandoned island to die, unless anyone out there can get hold of Jesus?

Sources

• BBC "Pandemic flu service to go live" ', July 20, 2009