UnNews:Stairway to Heaven declared worst song ever written, Jimmy Page now sucks
Sunday, July 4th 2021.
It looks like Stairway to Heaven, once long thought to be the greatest song of all time. Is now actually the worst song ever made. As a result, Jimmy Page now FUCKING sucks on ice and cum. Jimmy was once thought to be the best guitarist ever made. Now he is the WORST and he now sucks ass.
He started playing Kick the Baby 1 day before the announcement of his song, where he MURDERED an innocent little baby by kicking it's little ass into the mailboxes, therefore making him cum and DIE.
Now, you might ask: "Why does Stairway suck?", well. A random guy said it was made when Jimmy was having sex with his ukulele, then cummed all over the place and lawn, then call in The Backyardigans to finish the cumming job. And his guitar was CHANGGG out of tune. Causing the song to suck on ice.
Now a new game exist, it's called "Beat Up Jimmy Page". The game itself is self explanatory, you just beat up Jimmy and Justin Bieber.
Speaking of which, One by Metallica is now the greatest song ever written. Putting Jimmy to shame and sucking penis. And also hitting himself on the head with a baseball bat 7 or 8 times, but's it's mostly 8.