UnNews:Space Station uncovered as Hoax
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
29 May 2009
Last week, journalist Tom Flanagan, on assignment for an organization named "Truth or Die," uncovered a piece of information that has had the scientific world reeling. He discovered this by accident while researching the truth about Mole Hunting in Peru. He was interviewing notable astronaut and mole-hunter, Glenn Stanton in his country home in Peru, when he said something that "sounded a little strange", said Tom. "I was asking about his activity in the mole-hunting world, and about the best seasons to go hunting, and he mentioned the space station. I was interested to hear about his experience on the station, as he had just returned from a long research trip. He refused to tell me more, something that seemed odd for someone so charismatic."
Tom let the comment about spacial timezones slip, but decided to do some extra research on the space station. He met with another notable space scientist and astronaut, Laurie McKorman, who told him that she had never been on the space station, and she didn't believe anyone else she knew had either. This seemed odd to Tom, as he knew Laurie had spent many years studying the skies with many famous astronauts who had been to the International Space Station and back. "Something didn't seem right to me," Tom told us, "There was just some piece missing from the puzzle."
On May 21, Tom hired famous computer-hacker, Jimmy Neutron, to hack into the United State's Federal Space program website, to see if they could discover anything about the mysterious space station. The site proved to difficult to successfully hack into, thus the decision was made to hack the Canadian Space website. "This was a whole lot easier," Jimmy Neutron told us, "They had their password on a central webpage named secret password." The pair successfully hacked into the website, but discovered that the information had not been updated since 1812. The Russian Government's sites were much more useful. On it, Tom Flanagan and Jimmy Neutron discovered a journal describing the numerous propaganda ideas linked to the space program.
"The International Space Station was listed as propaganda. It was here we realized we were in some deep shit" Tom recalls. The two found that the entire International Space Program is approximately one hundred years behind the schedule of the fictional Space Program in which most humans believe. Or believed. The most stunning aspect of this entire international propaganda is that the International Space Station is completely a hoax. The hoax was originally written by an 1800's comedy troup, "The Merrie Marsupials," as a show of how ridiculous it would be if humans were to spend time in space, mostly on (or in) a big machine. The gag was lifted by historian/political leader, Veruslav Kommowski of Russia, for his debut into the world of politics, thus beginning a fictitious space race between the U.S. and Russia which lasted 40 years. With the cooperation of nations in "Space Exploration" came the new International Space Station. (the older, more outdated Russian space station, Mir was also completely fictitious. The fall of Mir from space was actually a small Russian missile sent over the Atlantic Ocean and destroyed) The International Space Station was the most ambitious propaganda project initiated by International Space, as it required the cooperation of many different governments to fully function. The Station was proven to exist multiple times, the most famous of these being the release of the documentary "Space Station". Recent evidence proves that the film was shot in a studio in Hollywood.
What do scientists around the world have to say about this? "We already knew," Frederick Banting told us. "We just didn't want to break all your little hearts."