UnNews:Sega DreamBowel 2 launch

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

3 December 2006

Tokyo, Japan -- Sega's DreamBowel 2 launch news.

First unveiled at E3, sega's 6th generation console, the DreamBowel 2, was a show stopper. Developers and gamers alike, gasped and cooed during the tech demo of Dance Dance Goose, which was made in Sega's first party software division. "we estimate our machine, to be several orders of magnitude more powerful than IBS's BlueGene supercomputer."

Sega's highly anticipated next-gen system

Compared to other next-gen consoles, the DB2 graphics look phenomenal, similar to the difference between playstation and a soccer ball. But its not just for games, it is slated to redefine the way you experience digital entertainment, and transform your dull living room, into what Sega envisions as the living room of tomorrow.

"we all know that innovative interfaces are the future of gaming, so what we intend to do is provide revolutionary new technology, while everyone else simply provides evolutionary advances." said Kagome Higurashi, CEO of Sega Corp. 'With an abundance of expansion ports, and support for 32 controllers, we hope to provide the best multiplayer platform ever. Speaking of controllers, we are revolutionizing that area as well. Not only do we have an upgraded gamepad, and the usual input devices, we have a contract with Oprah for adult oriented peripherals. Weve been having a lot of fun with it at the office."

Innovative indeed, and aesthetically pleasing, so that it is equally at home, in either a finely furnished family room, or a cheap hotel room.

At Humphreys Bagels, in Tokyo thousands of people are gathered in an attempt to purchase the system. "it gets pretty hairy at times, some of the customers know kung fu, and we've had to defend ourselves and the store from fireballs." said Humphreys employee, Chun-Li.

A police unit parked down the street, who asked that his name not be mentioned, stated, "We learned our lesson during the Wii Day Riots, were just gonna bat cleanup here."

One gamer present claimed to have been there for almost 2 weeks. "I was the first person here, well my friend and I, sadly he died of disentary a few days ago. I also lost my job, and my wife left me. but all things considered, it is still well worth it."

His friend wasn't the only casualty, numerous people died from exposure all over Japan, according to recent counts, the death toll is over 10 thousand.

The fact that there are only a couple hundred units available only exacerbates the situation.

Analysts expect the systems to fetch thousands of dollars on Ebay, Ebay's spokesperson replied "never trust a man with anal in his title, it means he knows shit."

Officially going on sale this Friday for only 199,999 yen.

Sources

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