UnNews:Secret cameras to catch primary school boys who miss urinal
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
17 April 2011
Kiddiminsterfiddler, INGERLAND
Do you remember a time when, as a child, you could go to the toilet and piss up the wall or even on your fellow classmates and not be caught? Worse still, you could be harbouring some hideous genito-urinary infection that would go untreated because you were too scared that your GP Michael Jackson would give you a very strange creamy sepository that only he was allowed to administer, and then only if no one was looking.
Well, pre-pubescent boys of Britain, suffer no longer - BoyVoy Cameras have developed a state-of-the-art discreet urinal safety enforcement camera that will be sure to curb the alarming rates of urine-based violence, bullying and soiling that have become endemic at primary schools around the country.
Specially selected observers at BoyVoy HQ will closely monitor urinals at hundreds of schools across the country, informing teachers and, if necessary, police of urine criminals. Head security officer Jonathan King insisted that boys were not at risk from potential paedophiles being allowed access to images of thousands of very young children urinating. "Paedophile aren't interested in looking at young children's genitals! Whatever gave you that impression?"
BoyVoy are also planning on bringing out a special edition 'Enforcer' edition that contains a high-intensity laser that will zap any urinal criminals in a very private area, and more likely seriously disfigure them, if not sever their meat clean off their two veg.
Wee weprobrates have been warned - your days of terrorising innocent children are over!