UnNews:School district shocked by porn charges

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

10 April 2007

UNION CITY, N.J. - School district officials are trying to identify who watched $250 worth of pay-per-view pornographic movies using a school cable television box. Officials claim they were unaware the pornographic movies offered by Cablevision could be accessed.

When contacted by UnNews for comment, Officials had this to say, “Someone used one of the five cable boxes in the Board of Education building to order the 'adult films', priced between $4.95 and $9.95. We are shocked and dismayed that this should occur and we are in the process of investigating. However there are 60 people working in this building and we have absolutely nothing indicating which of them is responsible. The movies were ordered between the hours of 9 and 11 PM on weekdays so we asked the three men who do the night cleaning if they had observed anyone using the televisions. They reported that they hadn't and believe most people have already gone home by 9 pm. So at this point we haven't any real leads as to whom the culprit is."

UnNews has been informed by an anonymous source that the movie titles included “The Janitor and the Naughty Schoolgirl, Locker room Lesbian Shower time, Waxing the floor with a Whore, and Boiler room Gang-Bang.”

The cable provider, Cablevision, has refused to refund the school district the money, and is unwilling to help in the investigation. The company released this statement,“We don’t care who ordered them, someone did and that has to be paid for. We’re here to make money, not stop the flow of pornography or make moral judgments on the people employed by the Union City Board of Education."

Sources

• "School district investigates porn bill" AP, April 7 2007