UnNews:Saturdays to be culled in government austerity drive

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29 August 2010

'Going to the beach' and 'breathing in to make yourself look thinner', both under threat from proposed cut

WESTMINSTER, United Kingdom -- Rumours around Westminster indicate that the government may remove Saturdays from the week in a bid to cut the UK's financial deficit. The Home Office is thought to have identified the popular sixth day of the week as a luxury that can no longer be afforded in these bleak economic times.

"We will not be commenting on this until we officially announce the measures in November," Cameron said, before commenting on the measures not officially announced until November, "but let's just say that every one has to tighten their belts and have a little bit more Monday in their hearts."

Many in the Liberal Democrat party are said to be unhappy with the proposal. They argue that Saturdays have always been a core Lib-Dem policy. Nick Clegg himself was quoted in a 2009 interview with UnNews, saying, "We're absolutely committed to Saturdays. I myself enjoy watching 'the football' and drinking in 'the pub'."

Archbishop of Canterbury Reverend Rowan Williams reacted positively to planned culling of Saturdays commenting "We've always argued that the Sabbath be over 20% of the week, and we're very happy to see this measure moving us in the right direction from 14% to 17%. We would ask that the unnecessary wind-down of a Friday also be looked at."

The Lord Michael Levy spoke of the Jewish community's disquiet at the idea. "The dismantling of Shabbat is unthinkable and anti-Semitic. Cameron's comment that 'it's not as if you lot do anything on Saturdays anyway' misses the point in my opinion."

Home Secretary Theresa May yesterday suggested moving the Shabbat to Sunday to align it with the Christian Sabbath arguing that "all doing fuck-all simulataneously" was good for community cohesion.