UnNews:Santa Shot Down Testing Sleigh Config; Christmas Cancelled
Friday, December 20, 2024
MOSCOW --- New reports have just surfaced of an unidentified object being shot down by Russian fighters over the Arctic, later confirmed to be Santa Claus. Live from the North Pole, here's what that one short friend, currently employed as Santa's press director has to say: "Santa was out testing a new Sleigh Config, we tried mounting flash bang dispensers to the Sleigh to ensure no children could look at their presents early. However, it seems this upgrade was not favorable to the Russians." That's all of the information currently available from the North. The unidentified pilot was flying a SU-27 Talon Supermanueverable fighter, and stated he was just eating his double cheese Goliath when he shot down Santa because "Im just a chill guy who likes Murder." Putin has expressed support for the shoot down, stating "That nigga better not come back I'll kill his ass myself next time." In an update to this story, that one short friend has confirmed Christmas is cancelled. "He's fucking dead. Like literally he's just dead, Christmas aint happening. Anyway I'm outta here IM FREE"